Dear Bel,
Yesterday my 7-year-old son came home with a dead pigeon on the end of a stick. Apparently, some psycho was selling them at his school. I called the school and the police. And we buried the bird in the back yard but today I found our cat in the yard impaled on the same dowel the bird was on the day before. I am worried about my son Bel, what should I do?
-Bruce
Dear Bruce,
Well the Holidays are back again and everyone is feeling that good old Christmas cheer. All of our good and wonderful neighbors are watching movies, eating too much, and (most importantly) buying gifts. Bruce I am tempted to believe that your son was just trying to get into the spirit of giving. He didn’t understand why his loving father would bury a gift that he (no doubt) was very excited about. I suggest you invest in an aftercare service for your son, if you can’t pick him up right after school because it is obviously not safe for him to walk. As for the cat, I don’t know. Maybe he thought you wanted the cat on a stick. Maybe he is a sick little bastard and you should take that dowel and beat him with it until he is afraid of dowels. But no matter what you do, have a merry Christmas.
-Bel
COMING NEXT: To beat or not to beat.
