This Is What Happens (Don’t Tell Bob!)

Some of you just might be thinking……

“Well, Bob’s smart, right? If he represents himself in court, he’ll most surely win because he’s…”

I could see why some of you might think that. He’s short and shorter people are generally smarter than taller ones. That’s a well known scientific fact.

Look it up.

Just remember that there’s street smart and book smart. Bob is neither.

Sure, he’s smart but in that “Gosh, he wakes up alive every day and remembers to breathe” way. Plus he knows when it’s time to pee.

Little sidebar, but for some reason RC wants to wear a gladiator costume while playing the pube. Don’t know if that’s feasible, but we’re working with his team. Just remember not to tell Bob.

Court date arrives, there’s Bob, there’s me.

Bob cries as he goes through the woes and how I made his life a meaningless mess and how in the world can his pube be played by a guy in a gladiator costume?

I surreptitiously (big word time!) hand him some bubble wrap and as he contentedly gnaws on it, my lawyers spout out some legal jargon and the case is suddenly over with I being declared the winner and the master of the universe.

Millions come my way and Bob continues gnawing on the bubble wrap, the moist pops pleasing his brain.

Funko makes a gladiator pube Pop and it’s the biggest seller of all time.

So big that wars are declared everywhere, and the world ends with a moist pop since Bob will be the last one alive. On earth.

I’ll be in space because of all those millions.

More Lunatic Ravings…

Read a new Lunatic Ravings every Saturday!

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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