My Upcoming Plans

Lunatic Ravings!
by Stephen Johnson

The Cult—Choice Of Weapon

MoTW—Lockout

I took a break today from packing just to keep all of you updated on

what’s going on in my life.

For those new here, this is around the time of the year that I get

prepared for our annual roadtrip. Then, when I’m back home, I eventually

waste a lot of your time by detailing what went on during the roadtrip,

something that can take up to two months, depending on how I feel and

what went on.

This year is no different. However, I have let my hair grow really long

since mother doesn’t like long hair because she thinks only druggies

have long hair. Guess the jokes on me because I do drugs. Lots of ’em!

I also went on a special diet to gain about 900 lbs since mother doesn’t

like fat people because she thinks fat people are, well, fat.

She also has an issue with men with long finger and toe nails, so I

haven’t cut them in almost half a year. I don’t know the reason why she

doesn’t like them, and really don’t care.

She does like my choice of woman though. That’s why I debating on

whether or not to leave her at home and take a skanky Detroit crackwhore

instead.

Drinking is ok in her book, as long as it’s in moderation which is

strange since she likes my woman even though she drank too much last

year and vomited all over mother’s spotless bathroom. Just imagine what

a skanky Detroit crackwhore could do!

She likes to take me around to her neighbors and I’m thinking I should

broaden my vocabulary by throwing in the word “fuck” as well as it’s

many variations as many times in every sentence as possible. Hell, her

friends are as old as her and they probably think it’s quaint.

I’ll also eat lots of broccoli so I can fart a lot and blame it on

mother. That’s one of those old-time jokes that never fail to get a

chuckle or two.

Now you know why there won’t be anything next week. I’ll be driving to

Delaware with a skanky Detroit crackwhore and life couldn’t get any

better than that.

COMING NEXT: Roadtrip 2012!

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beggining. The idea of writing weekly columns (blogs didn't exist yet) also came from Stephen. So I guess that makes him the creator of the "blog" phenomena.

https://theweirdcrap.com

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