by Stephen Johnson
The Cult—Choice Of Weapon
I took a break today from packing just to keep all of you updated on
what’s going on in my life.
For those new here, this is around the time of the year that I get
prepared for our annual roadtrip. Then, when I’m back home, I eventually
waste a lot of your time by detailing what went on during the roadtrip,
something that can take up to two months, depending on how I feel and
what went on.
This year is no different. However, I have let my hair grow really long
since mother doesn’t like long hair because she thinks only druggies
have long hair. Guess the jokes on me because I do drugs. Lots of ’em!
I also went on a special diet to gain about 900 lbs since mother doesn’t
like fat people because she thinks fat people are, well, fat.
She also has an issue with men with long finger and toe nails, so I
haven’t cut them in almost half a year. I don’t know the reason why she
doesn’t like them, and really don’t care.
She does like my choice of woman though. That’s why I debating on
whether or not to leave her at home and take a skanky Detroit crackwhore
Drinking is ok in her book, as long as it’s in moderation which is
strange since she likes my woman even though she drank too much last
year and vomited all over mother’s spotless bathroom. Just imagine what
a skanky Detroit crackwhore could do!
She likes to take me around to her neighbors and I’m thinking I should
broaden my vocabulary by throwing in the word “fuck” as well as it’s
many variations as many times in every sentence as possible. Hell, her
friends are as old as her and they probably think it’s quaint.
I’ll also eat lots of broccoli so I can fart a lot and blame it on
mother. That’s one of those old-time jokes that never fail to get a
chuckle or two.
Now you know why there won’t be anything next week. I’ll be driving to
Delaware with a skanky Detroit crackwhore and life couldn’t get any
better than that.
COMING NEXT: Roadtrip 2012!