My Wedding Crashing days

I was amazed when I read Stephen’s (http://lunaticravingstheweirdcrap.blogspot.com) last column!

Not because he didn’t ruin the wedding he attended, but because he’s still shacked up with his ol’ lady. I figured she left him years ago, because he’s a thoughtless, mean-hearted, anti-social-bastard.

But really, I mean that in a nice way.

I’m a little peculiar and a little anti-social in my own way. But my ol’ lady puts up with me and hasn’t left me either.

Stephen and I are peculiar in a safe way.

You see, when you come across someone who appears perfectly normal, but they’re psycho-pathic inside, they end up snapping and doin’ crazy-shit.

But me and Stephen are different. You can tell we’re a little strange right from the git-go. Which means you have nothing to worry about because it’s all out there right in the open.

I watched part of a “Predator” show on MSNBC and that got me thinkin’ how these perfectly normal people are tryin’ to scam on kids. It’s really sick. I mean ok, if you want a subscription of Maxim or Playboy that’s OK by me, but when you start chatting with under-age kids on-line, you just crossed the line.

I don’t know what makes a crazy person do crazy things, but I can tell you that you can enjoy strange stories or enjoy a horror flick without being a complete nut-job that can’t separate reality from fiction.

And that’s what we offer here at TheWeirdcrap.com. Just strange fiction, by folks who appreciate the written word gone wrong.

So please enjoy our seven years of strange fiction collection!

I’ll get off my soapbox long enough to tell you about that last wedding I attended.

It was my friend Marvin’s, cousin’s wedding. We’re not really friends anymore, because I gave up the booze and the drugs and he still lives for it, but that’s neither here or there.

His cousin’s wedding was in South Dakota, and Marvin invited me to a fishing trip in the black hills and never mentioned the wedding. He also told me we’d be staying in his uncles condo, which was attached to his grandpa’s condo.

Well when we got there, his grandpa didn’t want me in the attaching condo, because I dated Marvin’s sister some time back and he didn’t someone in the same house that boned his granddaughter back in the day. So Marvin suggested we stay in the trailer that he owned. Grandpa said no.

At this time I was still unaware of the upcoming wedding.

We were offered a tent on his grandpa’s land and had to camp out, which was fine with me because I was expecting some camping anyway. Besides, away from the family we could do all the beer drinkin’ and pot smokin’ that we could handle.

After the first night, I was informed of the wedding and that night we went to the bachelor party at his Grandpa’s strip-joint. It was pretty sweet because the whole joint was open only for us on a Saturday night.

Anyways, we had fun. “Mary-Mounds” did her special “snake performance” just for us. Her breasts were bigger than my head and after many-many beers and shots, I gave her a dollar and she almost dislocated my neck by slapping my head back and forth between her giant silicon filled breasts.

It really hurt but I didn’t complain.

Then the groom leaned over and puked right on the floor. We asked if he was all right and he just smiled and chugged another beer.

The next day I attended the wedding in a daze wearing a flannel shirt and jeans. They had a pig-roast for a reception, but we didn’t attend. We went straight to the black hills to fish and I didn’t catch a god-damn thing!

It was a red-neck wedding all the way, but still they was good people.

COMING NEXT: THE ADVENTURES OF NEXT WEEK!

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