The Inter…Oops, I Did It Again!

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Lillian Axe—XI: The Days Before Tomorrow


Will get to the promised interview shortly, but first….

Had to get new glasses. Just felt like the time was right for brand
spankin’ new glasses. Not that there’s anything wrong with the pair I
currently have, but they are getting scratched more and more because I’m
wired, stoned and drunk more and more.

When that happens I find myself falling down more and more, passing out
more and more and everytime this happens it’s always on some rocky
terrain and falling face first each and every time doesn’t help.

So I went and got myself a pair of titanium glasses. Don’t know why, it
just sounded cool. Folks can come up to me on the street and ask what’s
on my face and I can reply, “Titanium, baby!” That’ll impress them for

At first the glasses place didn’t want to service me because I refuse to
have any insurance. But when I whipped out my checkbook and showed them
that I could write a check for any amount they put in front of me, they
were happy to provide me with the eyeglass purchasing service.

I like doing that with checks. Anywhere I go, no matter if I’ve written
a check there before or not, I just write an amount on the check, show
them that it’s not bullshit and that it’s actually me writing out the
check, they’re more that happy to take my checks with the pretty ponies
and rainbows.

It’s even better that I act retarded and drool while writing the checks
because then they feel really bad about questioning me and have no
choice but to accept my check even though I have no ID at all

As long as I have pen in hand, sometimes act retarded and drool and
write a check, they’ll accept it. Just wanted to make that clear.

So I have new glasses on order and, again, they’re fucking TITANIUM.
That’s like the strongest and most expensive element or rock or metal or
whatever it is on the planet today.

Because of that, wearing those will make me the bees knees. I’ll be a
deity where I live as well as the surrounding areas. I won’t be able to
go anywhere without folks stopping me on the street asking about my
awesomeness no multiplied by the millions due the titanium adorning my

Damn, I just realized how cool I am and how much cooler I’ll soon be.

Oh, fuck. The interview. Forgot AGAIN.

COMING NEXT: The interview

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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