The speakers attached to my computer decided not to work this morning.
This frustrated me so much so that I went to to the kitchen just so I could stare out the window while thinking of a fix.
Nothing about a fix came to mind so I went ahead and read Bob’s sick column from last week and then had to take a shower to scrub the sickness from my body.
Put the computer in sleep mode, took an hour shower, came back to the computer, got it out of sleep mode and the speakers worked.
All this reminded me of a story…….
There once was a little man who liked to put his money in his underwear because, as he liked to say, “I love to feel me riches!”
One day he went to a local Hy-Vee to buy some beer, reached into his pants and pulled out some bills. The cashier thought that was a bit disgusting, but money is money and, no matter how moist it might be, it’s still money.
This little guy went home with his beer and drank it all while watching cartoons. What he didn’t realize was that some of his pubic hair had entwined themselves with some of the threads on the bills that he had handed to the cashier.
Of course the store had more customers buying goods and of course the moist bills with entwined pubic hair was given to another customer who went on a killing spree because the ranch dressing they had purchased was expired.
While killing, some of those moist bills fell out of his pocket and when they were analyzed at a local crime lab, they noticed the pubic hairs.
They ran them through the national database and came up with a match. Someone hadn’t paid a jaywalking ticket and were now wanted.
One night, while this little man was drinking his beer and watching more cartoons, the police busted into his house and arrested him for the killings. All because of his pubic hair.
They also didn’t like him much so they tacked on a charge of defacing money since it was disgustingly moist.
He’s been released but now sits around watching “Videodrome” wondering how he too can insert VHS tapes into his stomach.
Read a new Lunatic Ravings every Saturday!