His Heaving Bosom Was Crushed As She Pulled Him To Her And

Marty Friedman—Loudspeaker


Did one of those annual canoe trips this past weekend, this time on a
different river which was much, much farther away than the last few.

This time I didn't have to cart along a shitload of cd's since the woman
got herself a new car with a free 3 year subscription to Sirius
included. Yay for her, good for me whenever we go on those long trips
for something or other.

I decided I wanted to listen to comedy the whole way up so I scanned
around until I hit the comedy stations and finally settled on Raw Dog
since it was uncensored and I like hearing the words "fuck" and "shit"
or any variation thereof, as often as possible while tooling down the

All fine and good on the way up, got quite a few laughs and the 4 hour
trip really didn't seem that long. Did the canoe thing, nobody turned up
missing, no "Deliverance" type encounters as usual (and it's turning out
to be mighty depressing that it AIN'T HAPPENED…..yet) only one slight
wound that really wasn't as bad as the person claimed it was, attended
the party afterwards and then back home.

Still listening to Raw Dog but now they had occasional commercials for
adult-oriented websites which made sense I guess, but one completely
threw me for a loop.

When the name of the site was mentioned, I though it was a comedy bit,
but after a little while I noticed that it was real and I guess there's
a site out there called www.bitchtalk.com.

The commercials funny in a way since you have a woman with a sexy voice
saying the sites name and then you hear a man in a late night r&b disc
jockey's voice repeating the name.

"…bitchtalk.com," from sexy female.

"Bitchtalk.com." from late night r&b disc jockey guy.

Practice it out loud or in your head. See the humor?

If not, listen to it after getting only four hours of sleep in two days
and driving for six hours with a five hour canoe trip thrown in
somewhere. Then tell me it's not funny.

The beauty about this whole thing is coming up next week is a three day
roadtrip. Detroit to Niagara Falls to Cleveland to Indianapolis to
Detroit. Let's see how long I listen to comedy before I am forced to
change the station by either myself or the woman.

And then today I was heading home after I had filled up with good ole
gasoline and noticed a woman doing that silly powerwalking shit was
yapping away on a cellphone.

Then I started thinking about women who've had those collagen injections
in their lips and how they look monstrous and then I wondered if that
lady doing that goofy walking shit had recently received one of those
injections recently, noticed how horrid she now looked and was trying to
exercise the shit out of her lips while doing that silly walking shit.

COMING NEXT: More juicy fruit from me mind

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name TheWeirdcrap.com and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!


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