“Billy” from ‘The East Coast’ writes:
Dear Mr. Bob,
Many of the folks workin’ beneath me say you don’t know what you’re talking about when goin’ political. But time seems to favor your ideas.
Now, I don’t wanna say who exactly I happen to be, but this much I can say without being too obvi-typical; I have been runnin a rather large world-ly country for some time now and things aren’t quite goin’ tha way I planned.
I have been strategizing quite a bit, sometimes way past bedtime, but still can’t get myself back into the popularity.
Got any ideas?
Hmmm, that’s a tough one, but I broke it down to three easy steps.
1. Go full time.
Presidenting is hard, you just can’t afford do dabble in it here and there anymore. Dedicate the same amount of hours that you would a full time job. Here are some idea’s to help you clear that busy schedule.
a. Limit your T.V. You don’t want to miss your favorite game and you also want to watch “Deal or No Deal.” You are powerful leader now, pick one and let the other go, use the extra time for strategizing.
b. Get the most out of “potty-time.” Got a big one? Take important documents and reports to the bathroom and turn that grunt-time into study-time.
c. Interrupted all the time? Establish certain hours that you will work at home. This will discourage kids and wives from interrupting during work-time.
2. Pretend that it’s exactly what you planned.
a. Can’t catch that bad guy? Pretend that your secret service has him under wraps, but you are learning so much about his group’s plans that it would not be wise to “bring him to justice” just yet!
b. Got caught violating human rights or the Constitution? Put emphasis that it got past you (who would never approve), but the fact that a watchdog group found the discrepancy is a testimony of how good democracy works under your rule!
c. Loosing a war? Tell ‘em your giving the enemy a false sense of security right before your victory blow!
3. Go on TV!
Nobody voted for you because you’re smart. You were elected because people like your smile.
Like a strip show. It’s no good if Tina-Triple-D gets the DJ’s mike and talks about her assets.
Just like Tina, you got to get your ass on that stage!
I hope this helps you “Billy”.
And now you know.
COMING NEXT: Why aren’t all women gay?