My Husband and I…

Dear Bel:

My husband and I have been married for eight years. We both work night shifts and sleep during the day. This works great for our marriage, but it isn’t working when it comes to our parents.

My folks and my in-laws like to stop by during the day. We have told them we sleep during the day and not to come over unless specifically invited. We suggested times where visits might be welcome. We even put “Do Not Disturb” signs on the door, and at times inadvertently answer the door nude, but it doesn’t matter. They continue to show up whenever they feel like it.

My mother likes to make nasty comments like, “I’m your mother, and I’m entitled to visit you without calling whenever I feel like it.”

I am getting close to the edge and need some help. Is there any way to get our parents to stop coming over when we are trying to sleep?
— Sleepy

Dear Sleepy:

My first suggestion would be to move to another state or buy a big dog that hates everyone but you. The dog would be excellent because it could gaurd the house while you are at work as well. Your parents are bastards, pure and simple.

If you and your husband are serious about reclaiming your lives, do this. The next time you find yourself trying to ignore the ringing doorbell and the banging, get out of bed, answer the door, smile insanely wide and say in a comforting but strained voice, “I forgive you.” “This time, I forgive you.” “Mother, Father, come in, come in.” “We were about to burn these pictures of you and shit on the ashes.” “Don’t worry, we are not angry, but our God is a vengeful God.” Burn some pictures, and shit on them. Then look meaningfully at the old couple clawing at the door trying desperately to escape. After a while, these bastards will get the message.

Good Luck!



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Saint Garion

Bel Garion, who also goes by the name Saint Garion started writing columns in our early years and continued to 2006. He often refers to "The Lord" and "Buddah" which are the names of his dogs which speak to him on a regular basis.

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