A little kid came up to me today and asked me why Santa Claus always brings the rich kids nicer presents at Christmas than the poor kids.
I just told her the truth that it’s because Santa Claus is a Republican.
In The Future the Christmas shopping season begins the day after New Year’s.
The reason for this is because over the years and the decades it just kept getting pushed further and further backwards through the calendar months in order to further boost the economy. Even as I write this it is not uncommon to see Christmas displays starting to go up as early as Halloween. It used to be it wasn’t until after Thanksgiving. So you can easily see the trend. Before long we’ll be seeing Christmas displays going up around Labor Day, and after that The Fourth of July. Then before you know it they’ll start popping up around Memorial Day, and then Valentine’s Day, and eventually, Groundhog’s Day.
The only reason it doesn’t start until after New Year’s in The Future is because everybody finally got together and decided that starting it any earlier than that would be just plain ridiculous.
Which to be fair I guess means they at least still have some sense of what that word means left.
More Spamrider Columns
A new Spamrider of the Apocalypse each Sunday, and beyond!
