Chick Shit for Chic Chicks: An Unexpected Visit!

One of the worst things that can happen if, like me, you are in the prostitution/go go dancing profession is the unsightly pimple.

I can’t tell you how many times I have been paranoid, while dancing on the stage, that a huge pimple on my ass might decide to pop as I am bending over to pleasure a customer.

Imagine the horror of watching a dancer only to have something spray you in the face!! I bet you wouldn’t want to give the girl a tip if something like that was to happen!!

Recently I had a big pimple on my butt and I was very concerned. Sure, I could pop it, but what good would that do if it decided to grow back? I thought about putting some crazy glue on it so when it did pop, it wouldn’t spray around, but someone told me that since the pimple couldn’t pop, it would only get bigger and then wander around your body until it found an exit.

Someone else also told me the glue could also enter your bloodstream and cause hallucinations and also deformed babies if you happened to be pregnant.

Since glue was out, I decided to tape slices of pepperoni to my body where there was an active pimple, and I also placed pepperoni where I thought a pimple might appear.

For some reason, this actually worked!!

The oil from the pepperoni somehow caused the pimpled to disappear without a trace!! How this is possible I don’t know, but since it works I am going to stick with it.

It also fits in with my new stage name, “Pizza Delivery Girl Star”!! I can go out on the stage with meat hanging all over my body and nobody thinks it strange because I am “in character”.

I also tried it with cheese hanging off my body, but the heat from dancing caused the cheese to melt and some of it dripped into some places I would rather not mention. I can tell you that after a few days, there was a fairly obnoxious odor coming from me!!!

Well, I’ve got to go because I have some “pizzas” to deliver!! Bye!!!!!

NEXT TIME: How to grow a beautiful garden!!!!

P.S. Bob S. says I need to include a song that is floating around in my head…so here it is!

Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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