Since I do work in a go-go bar, a lot of the patrons ask me what it takes to get me drunk. I can tell you truthfully, it doesn’t take much!!
I met my husband Ralph while standing in line at a grocery store. He had been at a bar and had a beer before he went shopping and I could smell the beer on his breath when he started talking to me.
Just the smell of the beer got me hot, and I was all over him like lice on the scalp of a trailer park kid!! We ran to his double wide and made passionate love all night long.
If I have even one drink, I have to watch myself carefully!! There have been numerous times when customers have bought me drinks and, when I wake up, I have no idea where I am!!
It gets pretty horrible when you find yourself out in the middle of a cornfield wearing nothing but pasties and a g-string. People look at you pretty strange as you stand on the shoulder of a highway trying to thumb a ride home!!
Ralph, bless his soul, understands this is part of my job. I have no choice but to drink when I’m at work, and, as long as I don’t end up with a limb cut off, Ralph says he will live with my alcohol induced blackouts.
There is one time that I blacked out that I haven’t told Ralph about. It was a particularly busy night at the bar and we had a bunch of college kids who were buying all the dancers lots of drinks.
When I woke up the next morning, I found myself cuddling with a cow in the middle of a huge field!! I don’t know what those wacky college boys did, but it was probably something harmless, like cow tipping.
I can only guess that a cow tipped over and landed on me, because I did have bruises all over my legs. The boys probably got scared and ran away, which is okay because I did wake up feeling quite refreshed!!
So now you know! Next time you come to the bar and buy me a drink, be mature like those college boys and treat me with a bit of dignity when I pass out!!
Bye!!!
NEXT WEEK: My likes and dislikes!!!!
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