History of the Dog Planet Part IV

Well, a month ago I set out to explain why some dogs eat their own poo and we ended up with a history of Earth.

If your not up to speed, or your just too lazy to read the previous installments, here’s what happened in a nutshell. A mysterious being appeared and lead me to a buried device. I took it back to my home and plugged it inot a usb port to my computer (for a power source). The next thing I know, I was transported to our planets distant past with the strange entity as my guide. There, I witnessed the first inhabitants on thier way out.

Earth was in a path of a meteor that would destroy life as they knew it. And it did. Then after it was all said and done, the planet cooled, formed an atmosphere and yada-yada-yada…life began a new. Soon there was technology and the entity put me back to the planets surface.

Now, Earth is inhabited by dog-like organisms, and they had all the technology and fixin’s of home. That darn jokester put me right in the middle of a dog movie where dogs are rounding up the apes for fun and profit. That’s when they find me, the strange hairless ape who can talk no doubt.

As myself, I have the part of the hairless ape, which is convienent. Because, after all, I am basically a hairless ape that can talk.

Now that we were done shooting for the day, we take off our costumes and low and behold, I am a dog-man wearing a hairless ape costume that is the exact likeness of me. That weird entity, alien, guide has really out-done himself this time…

I got my own trailer, since, apparently I’m the main attraction of the movie. I settle in, grab myself a bowl of kibbles ‘n bits and turn on the tv to watch the news.

“Despite scientist insistance that some apes show early signs of self-awarness, the national guard-dogs are going ahead with their ape elimination campaign. If successful, the nuclear-napalm should wipe out the natural ape habitats and all the apes with it.” The reporter says.

The camera takes to a smartly dressed government official dog walking toward his car.

“Sir, this nuclear-napalm is untested and extremly dangerous. Is it really necessary?” The reporter asks.

“Look, these apes have been killing fellow pup’s by the thousands every year, we have no choice at this point.” He replies.

“Some scientists predict, that napalm, fueled by nuclear energy will keep burning and never stop until all combustable material on the planet is gone…do you really think its worth the risk?”

“Look, that will never happen…most scientists believe it will burn for several hundred square feet and then stop. We have to follow the science, not rumors!” The G-dog returns.

“And what about the ape evolution theory, do you have any comments on that?” The reporter asks.

“Science fiction, pure nonsense…no more comments!” He says as he gets in his car.

“We go now to the Capitol, where the ‘Save-The-Apes’ demonstration is taking place.” The studio reporter injects.

“We’re here at the Capitol where demonstrators by the thousands are trying to convince legislatures to put a stop to the Ape Elimination project.” A field reporter says, as he points his mike to a protester.

“Do you think you can make a difference before it’s too late.” He asks.

“You can’t hide the truth, it knows no regulation and rooms full of Senators don’t pass legislation. Hate your next door neighbor, but don’t forget to say grace. It just makes you want to bark!” The protester shouts be be heard over the crowd.

“And there you have it, back to you…” The field report shouts over the chants of the crowd.

I take a handfull of kibbles, “So that’s how it ends, is it?”

Finally the entity appears. “Time to fast forward a bit…”

“What! I don’t get to finish the movie?” I say, as everything around me fades…


Song in my head:

Coming Next: The History of Earth: Part V!

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Bob Senitram

Webmaster and editor of TheWeirdcrap.com. I obtained a bachelor's degree in micro-biology around the turn of the century but was quickly tracked down and forced to return it to its rightful owner and pay a $25 fine. *** A fan of science fiction, I started this website in 1999 as a portal for science fiction stories that have never been published. *** Completely devoid of talent, I decided to call on the public to supply content. Shortly afterwards Stephen and I started writing weekly columns and have continued to this day.


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