The 2009 Roadtrip: Part 1

Tygers Of Pan Tang—Animal Instinct


So here it is…instead of sitting around home and trying to make a
super computer, I went out on the road in order to preach my word. Or to
get out of the house. Probably to get out of this fucking state. To get
some fresh air or something. Something!

Anyways, the '09 roadtrip is sadly over and now I'm back in the same old
bullshit rote crap. Wake up, shower, pee in the shower, drink Diet Dew,
etc., etc. Who knows, maybe I need to take more roadtrips throughout the
year, but with the economy and lack of action in Crackwhore Village, it
ain't that easy.

At least I'm not sitting in the basement trying to take over the world
with a computer.

The plan was to leave at 3 am. And here's what happened……

4:19 am: In the car, backing out of the driveway. So sue me. I woke up
at 2;30 am and took my sweet ass time getting ready. Tuned into The
Boneyard on Sirrus and the roadtrip is on!

5:11 am: 1st rest area. Had a smoke. Didn't have to pee yet. Couple
people sleeping in their cars, didn't want to wake them out of respect.
Or they might have been carrying guns and other such shit.

5:39 am: Entered Ohio. Sound of gunfire in Detroit suddenly gone. Weird.

6:01 am: 2nd rest area. Another smoke. Have been downing Pepsi Max,
already went through a 20 ox bottle and am working on a can.

7:04 am: 3rd rest area. Smoked and peed.

7:42 am: 4th rest area. Smoked. Noticed a single fingernail in the
parking lot. Where were the 9 other fingernails? Didn't know, so I
picked it up and bagged it and sent it to the lab so it could be
analyzed. Maybe I uncovered some big thing here. Or maybe the lab will
send it back figuring I'm just a big idiot.

8:16 am: 5th rest area. Pepsi Max now running through me. Had to pee and
then smoked.

9;03 am: Entered Pennsylvania.

9:04 am: 6th rest area. Had to rush the pee and smoke here since they
only allowed two hour parking. Nice stuffed bear, guess it was crossing
the highway and demolished a Porsche 924. Bear weighed 510 lbs. Guess
that would do it. Would have been cooler if it was a live bear roaming
around the welcome center, but can't have everything.

10:32 am: 7th rest area. Had to take a big pee. And had a smoke.

11:13 am: Stopped for gas. Think I've had five Pepsi Max so far.

11:41 am: 8th rest area. Had lunch (a little thing of oranges for those
wondering) a pee and a relaxing smoke.

12:37 pm: 9th rest area. Don't know if I peed here since I didn't write
it down. Definitely smoked.

1:33 pm: 10th rest area. Smoked.

2:25 pm: 11th rest area. Smoked.

30 minutes later, we were close to the New Jersey border. Would I be
allowed into the state? Would they recognize me thru my disguise? How
wired on Pepsi Max was I?

COMING NEXT: Part 2 you would think

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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