Someone Thinks It’s All About Him

So, Bob got wind of that call I had with Hollywood and he was none too pleased.

“You went behind my back with this? It was my pubic hair!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. We’ve all heard the story. You had a crush on some female cashier at Hy-Vee, went in early one morning and picked up stupid stuff just so you could talk to her at the register.”

“Yep, that’s the story!”

“And while she was ringing up your items you smiled at her and she made a really disgusted face, so you didn’t feel it was the right time to chat her up. When you got to your car, you checked out your face in the mirror and discovered there was a really long pubic hair hanging out of your mouth. It took you weeks to finally yank that sucker from between your teeth.”

“No, that’s not what happened!”

“It is in my world,” I said and then shoved Bob down the laundry chute.

Weeks later, Bob was found shrunken in the dryer. Seemed like his wife thought he was just a heavy pile of clothes and gave him a good washin’ and dryin’.

He’ll recover.