The 2008 Roadtrip: Part 4

Metallica—Death Magnetic


(Note: Thankfully, not one long paragraph this time. However, the
following does flip between present and past tense a bit. That's what
happens when you don't finish school kiddies!)

6:36 am: Woke up. Did a little bit of channel surfing, tried to catch
the previous night's baseball scores but found that I'm so used to the
TiVO that I couldn't concentrate since I couldn't rewind to check out
stats so I gave up and watched something until "Saved By The Bell" came
on at 7.

The woman woke up about halfway through the second episode and decided
to take a shower and then check out what the hotel had to offer for
breakfast. I figured this was a good time to go outside and smoke.

Outside I light up and suck in that luxurious smoke and pop open my can
of Diet Dew. I walk to the side of the hotel to see what's going on in
the pool area and I notice a guy sitting on the back of his pickup. He
asks if I needed a place to sit and I gently decline and then think that
this was a weird fucking thing to ask a total stranger. But then again,
maybe he was a traveller like me and invited me over to get my views on
Gettysburg and life in general or then again maybe he just wanted to
fondle my balls.

No matter, I finished my smoke and headed back in to take a shower. I
told the woman about the guy outside and she asked me if I took up his
invitation and I only looked at her like she was some sort of crazy
bitch. Off to breakfast she went and into the shower I went, happy that
she left me one towel, even though she knows I need two: one for my body
and the other for my flowing blonde locks. No matter, we're on vacation,
no need to fight about something so "trivial" (to her, not me of

Finished the shower and dried my hair with a wet towel while watching
some more "Bell". She came back and finished getting ready. I threw on
some comfy clothes, made sure everything was packed with nothing left
behind (duh) and carried everything to the car while she checked out.

9:10 am: Headed back to Gettysburg to look around a bit more. We wanted
to get a picture of Jennie Wade's final resting place in the cemetery
where she is the only woman buried. (A little side note: The night
before we had walked around the cemetery before taking the ghost tour.
The number of buried soldiers there is just amazing, spanning every war
we've been in. Just an incredible and sad sight.)

The woman then wanted to pick up some souvenir so we walked around town
and I saw a sign in front of a store with a drawing of a wide-eyed woman
from the 40's and the slogan "Amazingly Enough I Don't Give A Shit"
which I found to be truly neat so in we went to see if that was for sale
and, luckily enough, they did have that sign for sale which I gladly
purchased. Yes, it had nothing to do with Gettysburg but it called to
me. Deal with it.

Next I was dragged into a store that sold Civil War era dresses which
was really exciting. For about 5 minutes. But I pretended to be
interested and checked out some pantaloons. The woman got some
information about how to order clothes online and then we were out the

Walked around some more and saw a tourism building so she went in to ask
them where Devil's Den was as I lit up a smoke. She came out about 15
minutes later because she got caught up with some browsing, but she did
manage to get directions only after they gave her "a really weird look".
The Devil's Den must be truly evil!

Walked around some more and found a store that sold a little bit of
everything so in we went where the woman bought an Irish Brigade shirt
(cause she's Irish I guess) and a fucking Jackie Kennedy bobblehead?

Headed back to the car and decided to check out Jennie Wade's house
after dropping of our purchases. Went to the giftshop next to the house
where I found some shot glasses and decided I needed a Confederate flag
because I was feeling rebellious (HA!) and then my phone rang.

I gave the woman some money to buy the items and went outside to talk to
a friend about stuff. The woman came out a few minutes later and I asked
my friend if he wanted a shot glass with a rebel flag and, since he's
from Detroit, he definitely wanted one so I gave her some more moolah
and back into the store she went.

My friend said something very funny. (However, I can't tell you what it
is at this time since some people might not find it funny. Maybe later
when I figure out a code or something.)

Call finished, the woman came back with the other shot glass and she
told me that it cost money to tour the Jennie Craig, I mean Wade house
so no tour for us. However, I did find the bullet holes and there was
definitely one in the front door which I did NOT put my ring finger
through. Not because I'm superstitious, but for fear of my finger
getting stuck and chewed off by a wood tick or something.

One more look around the town and then we were off. Devil's Den was on
the way to the Boyd's Bear place (for her, not me) so off we go.

And I found out how truly incredibly stupid I am.

COMING NEXT: And on it goes…..Part 5!

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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