These last few weeks have been a little busy, but that’s just the way it is with Thanksgiving, Christmas and kids.

Baby-gurl 1 had a Thanksgiving deal-eo, but I couldn’t go. My wife went and got the whole thing on our digital camera, and I strung all those clips together to make a nice little movie.

After watching the video, I couldn’t figure what those kids were singing, the video was ok, but I didn’t recognize any songs. That’s’ the way it is these days, you can’t say “Indian” unless your referring to a software engineer. You can’t refer to Santa or Jesus…I’m not even sure if you can say “Pilgrim” anymore.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, we ate at a relative’s, but I like the sweet Thanksgiving leftovers. So instead of Christmas shopping the next day, I went to a store that sold thawed out turkeys…the day after they were on sale for half price.

Now last week, we still had a good amount of leftovers because I didn’t freeze any of it. The wife and kids wouldn’t touch it, but it looked ok to me.

I tested it out first by giving my kitty a bit, and she seemed to like it just fine. I gave it a taste…a little salty, little slimy, but ok by me. So not wanting to waste perfectly good food, I started grabbing handfuls and shoving it in my mouth…chased with a mouthful of jelly cranberry stuff from the can, and a good slug of beer – ‘cause of the salty-ness. Thinking back, maybe I should have been more conservative, but I was really hungry.

About four beers later, it was mostly finished!

All was fine ‘til about 2am. I woke up to the sound of the kitty throwing up on the rug. I didn’t really take that as a positive sign and sat up. My stomach started gurgling like there was no tomorrow.

Someone once told me that if I ate a few Tums with soda, I would burp all that gurgle away. So I tried it. Only I didn’t have any soda, so I chugged a couple of beers then I took about 12 Tums and just swallowed them whole, ‘cause I really don’t like the way they taste.

Soon my gut was churning every which way but loose. Next thing I know, something was bellowing up my gullet, and it weren’t no burp…so I high-tailed to the bathroom, kicked the toilet seat up and thar-she-blew.

The way that turkey and beer shoot out, I could have put out a fire across the street. It hit the toilette so hard, the water in the toilet shoot up into the bathroom and covered the walls.

Did I mention my daughter doesn’t like to flush?

Well, she don’t. To make a long story short, one day the toilet backed up after she pooped and now she’s afraid to flush, ‘cause she doesn’t want to be responsible for poo floating on the floor. Usually flush for her, but today she must have made a pit stop without me knowing it.

The contents of that toilet and my gut splattered all over the counter, the wall, and the mirror. Mixed with a good helping of beer, turkey, and blood.

Well, I thought it was blood at first, but a trip to the doctor the next day revealed that it was probably just the cranberry sauce I ate. At least I didn’t have any internal bleeding.

However, going back to that night, my wife heard all the commotion, and she wasn’t so happy and wouldn’t let me out until I cleaned up the mess.

I can’t wait for Christmas, I sure love turkey!

And Now You Know!

COMING NEXT: Are you gonna really take political advice from someone who went thru all that!

Bob Senitram

Webmaster and editor of TheWeirdcrap.com. I obtained a bachelor's degree in micro-biology around the turn of the century but was quickly tracked down and forced to return it to its rightful owner and pay a $25 fine. *** A fan of science fiction, I started this website in 1999 as a portal for science fiction stories that have never been published. *** Completely devoid of talent, I decided to call on the public to supply content. Shortly afterwards Stephen and I started writing weekly columns and have continued to this day.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


Enjoyed this? Please spread the word :)