The 2011 Roadtrip: Part 6

More Lunatic Ravings…


MoTW—Hatchet II

“This is delicious.”

It’s Sunday night and we’re eating dinner (steak and other stuff) and
that’s all the woman can say. Time after time after time after time…..

She’d take a bite of steak and say “This is delicious”, take a bite of
something else and say the same thing. This continued until something
happened in her tummy and next thing you knew, she went running to the
bathroom to puke.

I kind of figured this would happen so I kept on eating as mother blamed
brother for giving the woman too much to drink all while the sound of
retching and shit hitting toilet water could be heard plain as day.

It was then decided that I should bring the woman a glass of water just
to be nice, so I did. And yes, there she was, on her knees, praying to
the porcelain prince.

I handed her the glass of water and shook my head in a totally
patronizing way and then went back to my dinner.

Shortly after I sat down, there came the sound of a glass falling, but
not breaking, in the bathroom.

I threw down my napkin in disgust and headed back to bathroom. She was
now curled into the fetal position with a puddle of water on the floor.
Again I shook my head and handed her a towel from the towel rack and
told her to clean up her mess.

Then I picked up the glass and headed back to dinner.

More retching came from the bathroom and I gave up on eating. I threw
down my napkin again, this time for good, headed back to the bathroom
and told the woman we were leaving.

My brother and I carried/walked her to the car and deposited her in the
backseat. I went back inside and cracked open a fresh beer and then went
to clean up the bathroom.

A couple beers later and the bathroom spotless, I said my goodbyes and
headed back to the hotel as the woman snored quite loudly from the back

Luckily I didn’t have to carry her into the hotel; she stumbled in quite
nicely by herself, thank you very much.

After she lay down on the bed and passed out again, I grabbed my smokes
and went outside to read and smoke.

About an hour later I felt tired so I headed back to the room, turned on
Shark Week and watched some tv before falling asleep.

Hey, vacations can’t be totally perfect you know.

COMING NEXT: Hoping she’s really hungover, aren’t you?

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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