Almost Busted!!!

I was almost busted!!

I was tending to Ralph in the bedroom, like any good wife would do to THEIR husband, when there came a large crash from right outside our trailer.

Ralph yanked my head up from where it was positioned and told me to go outside to see what was going on. I tried to throw on my bathrobe, but Ralph told me it sounded like an important sound and that I didn’t have time to get dressed, so I went outside completely naked.

I walked over to the dog house and Dana jumped on me and went directly for my breasts. As I figured, Dana had knocked over the still, which had caused the noise. I pushed Dana away from my breasts and went back inside to finish up with Ralph.

I told Ralph that it must have been a rabbit or something that caused the noise and he seemed to be okay with that. He then told me to finish with what I had been doing.

As I positioned my head over his groin I tried to think of a way to keep Dana hidden from Ralph a little while longer. I was so lost in my thoughts that when Ralph put his hands on the back of my head and slowly pushed it down, I almost slipped and did damage to his you-know-what!

I finally managed to pull the last piece of hair from Ralph’s lower stomach when it dawned on me what to do! I gathered up Ralph’s body hairs which I had spent the last couple of hours pulling out with tweezers and told him that I was going outside to throw it away.

I went to the kitchen to get some super glue and went back outside to Dana who again went right for my breasts, but this time I didn’t brush it away. As it fed I applied the glue all over its body and covered it with Ralph’s hair!!

When we were both done, Dana looked almost exactly like a dog, with just a few bald patches!! By me doing this, I bought myself some more time to figure out what to do with my alien baby thing!!!!

See ya!

NEXT WEEK: No more Dana?

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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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