The Block Party: Finale

Dragonforce—“Inhuman Rampage”


As Spunky gathered up the remains of his collection and Josie continued
rolling the headless body towards the latrine pit, I took some time to
reflect on the party.

And, as the armed men continued to smack some of the unfortunate
shufflers with their rifle butts, I decided that the party was a slight,
if flawed, success.

(Sadly, no homeless people or crackwhores appeared and, even more sadly,
no homeless crackwhores appeared.)

Bored with their game, the mini-militia put down their guns, cracked
open some beers and had a manly feast of mayonnaise sandwiches.

Spunky was whimpering as he picked up the few remaining remains and lay
them gently in one of the blue bins.

Then, from around the corner of the house appeared one of the
neighborhood brood. He walked over to Spunky and gently pulled on his

“Mr. Clown? Can I have a balloon?”

Spunky placed the last piece of fur carefully into the bin, and wiped
his eyes. “What was that?”

“A balloon? Can I have a balloon?”

“Sure kid, sure. But here’s the problem…..I HAVE NO FUCKING BALLOONS!”

“Spunky!” I gasped.

Josie stopped rolling the body and also gasped, “Spunky!”

“SORRY! Sheesh, cut me a break why don’t you!”

The kid would not be deterred so easily though. “How about a balloon

“No balloons, kid.”

“How about an animal?”

“An animal? How about an animal hat? You want Spunky to make you an
animal hat?”


Spunky reached into the bin and pulled out some fur and began molding it
together with staples and pins as I directed the kid over to Josie so he
could help her roll the body the last few yards to its temporary resting

In a few minutes the body was in the hole and Spunky was done. He called
the kid over and slapped the “hat” on the kids head.

“Just like Davey Crockett!” exclaimed Spunky.

“Yep, except I don’t think Davey had blood flowing from his hat,” I

“And his probably didn’t smell that bad,” chimed in Josie.

But the kid didn’t mind and off he went, little droplets of blood
leaving a trail behind him.

The leader of the tiny army came over and thanked me for the food and
drink. I asked if he wanted a headless body to use for target practice,
and soon I didn’t have to worry about how to discreetly discard a body,
much to Josie’s anger and chagrin.

The bus came back and the remaining shufflers were loaded in, as well as
most of the remaining food especially the stuff that was slowly starting
to spoil. After hugging Spunky and slapping me a good five or eight
times, Josie boarded the bus and off it went.

“Why’d she slap me and hug you?” I asked Spunky as I opened us up a
couple beers.

“Because I’m a clown, and everyone loves clowns,”
he replied as he took the offered beer.

“Oh, really? What about that guy there?” I asked, pointing down the
street at a man angrily walking towards us, a bloody pile of fur in one
hand, a screaming kid being dragged along with the other.

“I’m so out out of here,” said Spunky and sprinted to his van.

COMING NEXT: That decision hasn’t been made yet

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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