For those who haven’t read every single “Ask Bob” article, a couple of years ago someone asked, “So what’s the real Bob like?” So I spent the last two years giving you a chronicle of everything I did, so you could draw your own conclusions and now I’m done. Thanks for that question Samantha!
Now on to the next question!
I like your story ablut what I want to be. I like looking on internet about flies. I a sexual attraction to flies. So in the summer time I will be looking for flies.
from colin.penny
Dear “colin”
That’s not really a question Mr. colin.penny. Maybe you could rent the old and new version of “The Fly.” That should give you some quality masturbation material. Then you could watch “Lord of the Flies,” I figure a bastard like yourself would probably appreciate those movies you sick son-of-a-bitch.
Bob
Dear Bob,
I just want to take the time to let you know me and my friends at the dorm really appreciate theweirdcrap. It’s always there for a good laugh (we don’t have a tv).
Jenny
Dear Jenny,
What are you some kind of smart ass? I know what you really mean you sick son-of-a-bitch!
WHY DO TEACHERS NEED A ANSWER BOOK?
Bean Yogi
Dear Yogi,
What kind of sick, perverted use of the English language is this? First of all, you never use “a” in front of a vowel! Next time use an “an” in front of the vowel. And what’s with all those capitals! ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?
You should go down on your knees and pray to the Jesus for better writing skills. Remember, the Jesus answers prayers, and I have proof!
Last year I was watching my favorite program on the gospel cable channel when the preacher went on to say that if I gave $10 to his blessed church then I would find the Jesus. So I did, and that afternoon I found the Jesus!
He was hiding in the cabinet under the sink the whole time. He was all done up like a plumber so everybody wouldn’t know who he was, but I knew!
I pulled him out and showed my wife and she said, “You put that Jesus right back where you found him.” So I did. Then I prayed to the Jesus for giant pec’s, ’cause I know that’s what the ladies like. Soon my faith was confirmed when I grew giant pec’s!
A word to the wise, if you decide to pray for the same thing, be sure to specify pectoral muscles because I ended up with giant man-breasts. The wife isn’t all that crazy about ’em, but I like ’em just the same.
What you need is some churchin’-up. DO THESE THINGS IN REMEMBRANCE OF ME. Only watch the Christian channels. Only read Christian books, and only eat vegetables grown with holy-water…that should get you on the right track. When you have done all these things, ask your question again and I will answer it. Don’t try cheating, ’cause I’ll know.
Now go in peace, you sick son-of-a-bitch!
Bob
Hope you all enjoyed my Xmass special article inspired by the holiday spirit. Remember … at TheWeirdcrap.com, when we talk about Xmas, X always comes first.
Happy Holidays you sons-of-bitches!
And now you know!
COMING NEXT: More Mail!
