by Saint Garion’s friend Ket Darby
You even noticed that often times Christianity is kind of mean to Judaism? I think I know why. So I read the Bible once and it talked about how the Jewish people were the chosen ones. I can’t blame God, I mean Jewish girls are hot. The Bible talks about God talking to Moses, and the Burning Bush and all that. I mean the Jewish people and God are tight like Chewy and Han. So then somewhere around the New Testament the Jewish people don’t buy into Jesus being the Messiah, and God is forced to find a new flock of believers. S/He turns to the Europeans. So imagine if you are the creator of everything and you are all powerful, but you can’t make the people you chose as the best and the greatest love you the way you want them to. So you turn to your second choice, you put on the Silver Medal and say things like, “It was an honor to compete.” But you see the Silver medal knows it isn’t Gold. The Silver Metal worries that if something were to happen and the Gold Metal would take him back, then he would leave the Silver Medal in a heart beat. Of course God would say things like, “We should stay friends.” “I never wanted to hurt you.” and “It’s not you it’s me.” We all know the truth, that God always wanted the Gold Medal, he settled for the Silver. Now I know in my life nobody likes it when their significant other is hanging-out with their ex-. Jealously and his buddies Self-Doubt and Acting Crazy show-up in force. Now imagine if that significant other was omni-present. Oh yeah I can hear the fight right now.
Christianity, “So God where were you?”
God. “You know around.”
Christianity, “Were you hanging around the Jews again?”
God, “Oh come on you know I love you baby.”
Christianity, “I knew it, I knew it. You were seeing them again.”
God, “But baby, I’m Omni-Present not Semi-Omni-Present.”
Christianity, “That’s it…. I’m leaving.” grabs some things and stays at a sister’s house.