I got a Visitor in Jail! by Melissa Paternick
Since I’ve been in jail before, I know exactly how to handle myself and know how to keep out of trouble. Take my word, if one of your fellow inmates wants you to be her bitch, you might as well go with it or there might be some serious problems!!
Anyway, I was visited by the jail psychiatrist. She seemed like a nice lady and I felt quite comfortable talking with her. After awhile though, I could tell she was getting a little bit irate with me.
I feel that I have led an interesting life with lots of magical and mysterious things happening to me almost every day. I started with what I could remember about my childhood and ended with my current situation.
When I was done, the lady was silent. She wasn’t even writing in her notebook, but that might be because she had broke all of her pens when I was talking.
After a long while she finally spoke and called me the stupidest woman she had ever met in her life!! I was shocked!!
When I asked why she would say something like that, she threw her notebook at me. It hit me in the face and I fell out of my chair and hit the concrete floor quite hard.
As I struggled to get up, she got out of her chair and stood on me!! I figured this was a new psychiatric thing so I quit struggling after a few minutes.
She told me that no woman should be treated like I have been. According to her, a woman is not a slave for any man and shouldn’t be expected to cook, clean, shop, join in threesomes and work so the man can have some extra money to go out and party with.
This pissed me off!! What kind of psychiatrist was this? Obviously not a good one since she has no clue on how a real marriage works!!
I decided to play around though and asked her about my alien baby. This made her even more angry and she started to kick me in the face with her work boots.
When she was done, she told me that I was even more stupid than stupid because it wasn’t an alien baby, but an actual human male who had plastic wrapped his private parts so it looked like he had no sex organs!!
Yeah, right!!! When I asked her how come my baby grew up so quickly, she came up with another pitiful explanation.
According to her, when I was living in the woods and eating bark and weeds, I ingested something that caused me to hallucinate so it looked like my alien baby was growing every day when in fact it was just some freaky plastic wrapped guy I was having sex with for money since I didn’t have anywhere to live and that’s something that a slut like me would do.
This pissed me off so I called her some filthy names and she left, but not before she promised me that there would be some tests in my near future. What a bitch!!
See ya!!
NEXT WEEK: More news from prison!
More Chick Shit for Chic Chicks!
A new Chick Shit column every Wednesday!
