No Use Anymore…

When you have something that is of no use anymore, you sometimes try to sell it in order to make some money. Well, I figured that I had no more use for Dana and since my breasts are becoming very sore from all the feedings, I decided that I could sell my baby, like I did with my seven other children!!!

I went down to the bad part of town where you can sell and buy anything. I asked around and was told to go to an alley where someone would meet me. I was very happy because I would be able to get rid of a major headache and make a little bit of extra money!!!

I took Dana to the alley and waited while I fed him. I decided that I might as well feed it one more time since it would be the last time and my breasts would probably heal eventually. Plus it was the only way to shut it up!!

We waited for a couple of hours and someone finally appeared. I couldn’t see this person’s face but could tell it was a man by his voice. He didn’t waste any time and asked me the amount I wanted for Dana.

When I told him $25.00 (which I think was fair!), he walked away. I was thinking that maybe I had blown it, but then this man came back and asked if I had ever danced.

I told him that I was a professional dancer and he asked me to dance for him. I did for a little while and then he made me stop.

“My God,” he said, “you really suck. You actually made a living of of this?”

This hurt me a bit. I was fighting back the tears when he told me that he would give me $15.00 for Dana. This immediately brightened me up and I decided that I should bargain with this man.

I told him that Dana had no sex organs and he told me the price would be $10.00. I could see where this was headed so I agreed to the price. However, Dana had disappeared so the deal was off. I though it was fortunate since it was gone even though I didn’t make any money so I ran home figuring that Dana was too stupid to find it’s way home.

I guess Dana isn’t as dumb as I thought because I woke up that night to find it staring at my chest, wanting it’s next meal. Being the good mother that I am, I went ahead and fed Dana while trying to figure out a way to get rid of it.

See ya!

NEXT WEEK: How to keep the mother/child love strong!!!

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Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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