Cleaning Tips!

by Melissa Paternick

Oh boy, did I ever make a big mistake when I last mentioned my cleaning tips!!

It seems that a lot of people, like Jim N., are confused about what I meant when I said I was going to write about head cleaning!!

I did not mean it in a sexual way!! That would be dirty and I am not allowed to write about sexual things. This comes from the webmaster here and also from Ralph. Hey, if I had my way, I would be a dirty, dirty girl, and that’s why I dance every night, but I am not allowed to write about it here in my column!!!

The heads I was talking about are the ones found in cassette players!! You guys who thought I was talking about the OTHER head deserve a nice spanking!!

I do have a long tongue and my saliva is different from most. Therefore, I can stick my tongue in any cassette player and slowly lick the heads until they are nice and wet.

I found that I have special saliva when I licked the pole one night while I was dancing. The spot I licked was so clean that I figured I had some sort of special cleaning agent in my spit!!!

I told Ralph about this and he had me licking the kitchen floor in no time at all!! When I was done, that floor was the cleanest it had ever been!!

Next he had me try cleaning his cassette player in his truck and, when I was done, he popped a tape in. The sound was so crystal clear!!!

Ralph had people from work drop off their cassette players and me and my tongue went right to work on the heads. When they got them back they were all very impressed with the job I had done!!

Well, now you know!! I guess I can understand why some of you might have been a bit confused about what I was talking about, but I promise I will never let something like that happen again!!!

Love ya!!!!

COMING NEXT: Nobody knows, not even me!

More Lunatic Ravings…

Melissa Paternik

Melissa started writing columns back in 2000 when we first got going. She continued for several years and then retired her column. Other writers contributed to Chick Shit after she left. The archived columns are being added one by one and will appear from time to time.

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