The 2011 Roadtrip: The Conclusion!

More Lunatic Ravings…



So it’s now a Wednesday in August and our roadtrip has to continue.

Therefore, we woke up sometime in the morning and I watched some tv
while the woman wandered around the vast hotel. Then I took a shower, we
packed the car and were off.

Totally uneventful day. I drove, we stopped at rest areas, I smoked and
peed and that was about it. No side stops, no nothing.

Our goal was to find a hotel near Fisher, Indiana so we would have a
short trip the next day to Fry’s and we did find one about an hour away,
some place named (I think) Country Inn.

So yeah. The total driving time on this Wednesday was around 6 hours.
Minimal. Nothing to it. And we found a nice hotel to boot.

The woman discovered a Goodwill near the hotel and after we stopped so I
could get something to eat at Hardee’s, she dropped me of at the hotel
where I amused myself by watching tv and eating.

Actually, before that we went to the local Wal Mart. Have no idea why,
we just did.

When I was done eating my fine, fine meal, I decided I would go outside
and enjoy some sun. So I grabbed my book and smokes and went outside to
the picnic table and read and smoked.

After I was done I went back to the room and changed into my pj’s and
hopped into bed. TV was turned back on, the woman returned but I didn’t
care. I just wanted to watch tv. So I did.

Discovered “Storage Wars” and watched a couple hours of that, then it
was on to more Shark Week programming and that was that.


Same as Wednesday basically: woke up, watched a bit of tv and then took
a shower, packed the car and then we were off.

When we got to Fry’s, right at their 10 am opening, the woman dropped me
off to go shopping elsewhere and I shambled into the store.

As I was looking around, I had this incredible urge to take a shit. I
mean a REALLY big urge. So big I was sweating.

I thought it would pass and I continued to look around but the pressure
was becoming unbearable. It felt that something was going to force its
way out while I was browsing, so I headed to the bathroom.

Now, I really didn’t want to take a dump at Fry’s because I was sure
that I would plug the toilet. How embarrassing would be? SInce I hadn’t
taken a dump all week, there was definitely lots of poo inside of me and
it wold probably be really stinky which would make other bathroom
patrons make rude comments.

But that would be better than pooping my pants while looking at

So I was in a stall and was ready to pull down my pants and squat but
then the urge passed. I peed instead and hung around the stall to see if
the urge came back, but it didn’t. This made me happy.

Back to browsing I went and the urge came back. Instead of running back
to bathroom I manned up and squeezed my ass cheeks tightly and picked up
what I wanted, then called the woman and told her I was ready to leave.

Checkout took longer than it should have because the asshole cashier
wouldn’t let me buy a blu-ray set of “Trading Places” and “Coming To
America” for the cheap, cheap price of $13.99 because, according to him,
it hadn’t been officially released for sale yet.

However, he was more than happy to hold it for me until it’s official
release date of the following Tuesday, but I told him that wouldn’t
fucking work because I lived six hours away in Michigan. Oh well, I
really only like one of those movies anyway.

WIth that over with, I purchased the remaining stuff and headed out to
the car and we headed home.

The next six hours was just your basic drive and we arrived home with no

Then, while I was unloading the car, my earlier issue came back with a
vengeance and I totally 100% shit myself. Not a tiny little bit, A LOT.

And that was our 2011 roadtrip.

COMING NEXT: This shit done with, now for the REAL stuff!

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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