Guess I’m Really Not Thankful

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So it’s that time of the year again. Time for Black Friday and my
birthday. Oh, and Thanksgiving.

Luckily for everyone, my birthday just happens to fall on Thanksgiving
so those in the U.S., whether they like it or not, will be celebrating
my birthday!

As long as they don’t make the same mistakes they made the last time the
two came together, it should be a wild, rollicking time.

You know, I COULD write about what I’m thankful for but I’m quite sure
some other pussies on the internet will take care of that. That’s what
they do ’cause they think people care.

“I’m thankful for my health.”

“I’m thankful for _______’s health.”

“I’m thankful for this food.”

“I’m thankful I didn’t get pulled over for drunk driving last weekend.”

“I’m thankful that the sheep didn’t end up pregnant.”

And the list goes on. Whatever.

I’m not thankful for ANYTHING. Why should I be?

Hell, nobody loves me anyway. It doesn’t make a difference.


Anyway, Friday looks good for Black Friday. Got my list all ready to go
but this year I won’t be standing in line at Best Buy. No sir!

I’m getting with the times and ordering my shit online! No more standing
in line with a bunch of folks I don’t know, much less care about. No
more hearing them bitch about that tv being sold out or how cold it is.

Now I can sit naked in front of the computer and between random
scratching of my balls, I’ll be ordering away! What a country!

So I guess I am thankful for a couple things:

I’m thankful I can order shit online.

I’m thankful I have two balls to itch.

What more could a person ask for?

On a sidenote, why did our neighbors put up their outside Xmas
decorations last week? What the fuck is wrong with people nowadays????

COMING NEXT: Juicy tidbits!

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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