Well, Dana hasn’t run away or died yet, so I am still without a job. I guess it’s okay though since my breasts are seriously deformed from all the breast feeding and, in my line of work, you definitely need breasts in order to make a buck or two.
I’ve been spending the days hanging out in the woods trying not to keep an eye on Dana which is very hard to do especially when he attacks a wandering coyote or a chipmunk and the poor animal starts screaming. It doesn’t seem that Dana is trying to hurt the creatures, rather he seems to be wanting some sex from them. However, due to the absence of sexual organs, I can imagine that this gets quite frustrating.
Dana has been looking at me strangely between feedings. Now that he/she is a little bit over 6 feet tall, I’m a little bit scared since there is no way that I would be able to fight back. I’ve thought about calling in the local authorities or maybe some of those UFO people but I’m embarrassed to show anyone my home.
I went over to talk to Ralph about my problem, but when I looked in the bedroom window of the trailer, he was having too much fun with three women, a jar of peanut butter, an iguana and duct tape so I thought that I shouldn’t interrupt him. I might go back later when I don’t have anything better to do.
If I had a car I could lure Dana into a box, tape it closed and drive to the interstate and drop the box off at the side of the road. I don’t know if that’s illegal, but I haven’t heard of anyone getting into trouble doing something like that. But since I don’t have a car it’s kind of a moot point.
I guess my best option is to call the UFO people and have them take Dana away in order to run tests. I honestly feel that the best thing for Dana would be to have a bunch of strangers stick sharp metal rods into her/his body so that samples can be drawn and analyzed.
Oops, gotta go.
It’s feeding time again.
Have a great day!
NEXT WEEK: My love for my baby knows no bounds! How YOU can feel the
A new Chick Shit column every Wednesday!