It seems that every time I get my life in order, someone goes out of their way to upset me. I don’t know why, but I guess a lot of people are happier when I’m depressed.
Here’s an email I received recently and you’ll see what I mean:
“Hi Melissa,
I’ve been a big fan of yours for a long time. I’ve been rooting for you to get your life in order. I’ve laughed with you and cried at your misfortunes, but now I don’t know. How could you get back with Ralph? That ape is just using you for his perverted pleasure! The more I think about this, I think you’re a complete loon.
You lost a fan!!
Sincerely,
Adrienne”
See what I mean? I don’t know what this Adrienne’s problem is!! I’m happy and I don’t understand why that bitch can’t be happy for me. I don’t think I’m asking for too much!!
I have also noticed that my neighbors are acting strange when I’m around. They act like I’m just like the hooker that slept with the whole trailer park a few years ago. Sure, it was my aunt, but that doesn’t mean I’m like her. Besides, what I do on my free time for money is my business, not theirs.
I’m sorry, but I have to go. I’m bleeding pretty badly and I need to find something to help with my lady time.
See ya!!
NEXT WEEK: No longer “that time of the month” for me!
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