The REAL TRUE Story of That Trip: Part 8

Dream Theater–Systematic Chaos

MoTW—The Bourne Ultimatum

As I lay on the pavement with my saviour cradling me in their arms, I
opened my eyes and found myself staring into the greenest eyes
surrounded by the softest black hair I had ever seen. The hair looked so
soft and luxurious I didn't mind the little flecks of dandruff scattered
in the billions and billions of strands because it was just so soft and
luxurious and I really, really wanted to fuck it right there and then.

"Kiss me," I murmured and raised my head in expectation of meeting those
soft red lips.

Soon our tongues were entwined, dancing the dance of the tongues. As my
tongue swirled theirs t whirled. As mine performed the Humpty Dance
theirs performed the macarena.

Our spit mingled, mine tasting like tobacco and Diet Dew while theirs
had the faint taste of Fruit Stripe gum. Together the mingled spit
tasted like raw oysters swimming in a thick Jujube sauce. So utterly

Soon we were rolling naked and passionately in the bed. The sweat was
pouring of our bodies creating puddle here and there that our bodies
that were now one splished and splashed as the sheets soaked up the
remaining sweat and tangled themselves around our limbs like sweaty

To and fro we rolled until I heard the sound of squealing brakes.

"Would you assholes get off the fucking road??!!"

I opened my eyes and found myself lying on the pavement staring in to
the greenest eyes I had ever seen. Surrounding these eyes was the
softest, most luxurious hair I had ever seen, flecked with the most
godawful dandruff I also had ever seen.


"At your service!" he replied while jumping to his feet.

"How are things? And what are you doing here?"

He explained how things were and what he was doing there and how sorry
he was that he killed the farmer and all his feathered friends because
it looked like I was having a grand time with the chicken.

"Yeah, that's all good. I was wondering……I think I was dreaming, but
did we, well, you know?"

"Kiss and do the nasty? No. Absolutely not. No way."

I breathed a sigh of relief and got up from the hot, sticky, wet,
chicken feather-covered pavement and put my clothes back on as vehicles
sped past us at high rates of speed.

I lit up a cigarettes (cause they're good for you!) and was ready to
continue my quest for gas when something dawned on me.

I turned to Spunky to ask him something extremely important when my
cellphone rang.


"Hello dearest!"

"Yeah. What do you want?"

"It's that time again!"

"Ooooooh. Time to put Rid-X in the toilet?"

"No, you silly! It's MY time."

"Oh no."

"Yep and it's heavy and gushing and I'm COMPLETELY out!"


"And I need you to be a dear and get me some, well, you know."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Now?"


Did I?

COMING NEXT: Hopefully I'll squeeze something else in.

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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