Where Is My Rocket Pack!

Pdelacoppa asks: . “It’s the year 2000, so where’s our Rocket Packs! . I thought we’d strap them to our backs. . .I expected to have a car with no tires, and a maid made out of wires! . 

What happened!!!”

Dear Pdelacoppa: I wish I knew…

You see, I’ve been in an LSD-induced coma since 1972. I just woke up in November of 1999. And to tell the truth, once I was convinced that it was 1999, I also expected to see people flying around with Rockets strapped to their backs.

But it just never happened.

When I finally woke up all my friends were either dead (O.D.), moved, assumed new identities, or were in jail. . Except John. He still lived in the same $30.00 a week apartment that he had back in 1972. Therefore, the only person the doctors could contact was John…

“So how long have I been asleep?”

“About 28 years.”

“Naw-no way.”

“I brought proof!”

“A newspaper?”

“No, but that would have been a good idea. I just brought this!” He said as he handed me a grape. “Go ahead, eat it.”

“Wow, seedless! I must be in the future. So what happened while I was out?”

“Ronald Reagan became President and everyone has Computers.”

“No way, only the FBI has computers.”

“Nope, everyone.”

“So, that must mean…EVERYONE WORKS FOR THE FBI!!! Do people fly around with Rockets on their backs? Do you have a Robot?”

“Nope, but I got an 81′ Ford.”

“Ooohhh, a Car of the Future! Can I ride in this Car of the Future?”

“Sure – we gotta get outta this place anyway.”

“So did you dream, while you were in that coma?”

“Yup. Just one dream over and over.”


“I dreamed I was present during a remake of ‘South Pacific,’ they were filming ‘on location.’ on an island.”


“Well, no one knew it but me, but they were filming it on Monster Island. No one would believe me when I tried to warn them, I kept thinking, ‘Jeez, these guys are crazy…they’re all gonna die when Godzilla attacks!”

“So did he?”

“Yep. Everytime they get to ‘I’m gonna wash that man right out of my hair’ song, he attacks and everybody dies. I guess a musical was just too much for him to bear.”

“Can’t really blame him.”

“Me neither.”

“So you just dreamed that over and over for 28 years?”

“Yup. Now how about that Future Car of yours…”

So there you have it. No Rockets strapped to our backs and no Robots.

And now you know.

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