by Stephen Johnson
Yesterday morning I was sitting at home, doing nothing much except staring blankly at the tv and watching whatever show was on. Then my cellphone vibrated.
See, when it vibrates that means that someone is trying to call me. Thinking it was the woman and that maybe she had run another red light and caused yet another accident, I was hesitant to answer the phone. But for some reason, the vibration seemed to be particularly important so I picked up the phone. On it was a number I didn’t recognize but I answered it anyway.
Well, it was the woman’s mother and she freaking out. Seems that the woman had went to the post office and somehow left her phone there. Someone at the post office called the woman’s sister who the called the woman’s mother who then called me, probably thinking that I cared.
So she tells me the situation and I’m silent throughout her whole speech thinking, what in the hell does she expect me to do? When she was finally done speaking, I said to her, “My, that kind of sucks, doesn’t
it?” and prepared to hang up.
Of course nothing is ever easy and she started yapping again and wanted me to get ahold of the woman to tell her that her phone was at the post office. I told her I had no way to get in touch with her without a cellphone so she says that maybe I could text her.
This shut me up. I sat there without saying anything until she spoke again. Of course I had to interrupt since she’s old and has no idea how things work and told her that texting the woman would be the stupidest thing I could ever do since, well, you know.
This made her mad and she told me I didn’t care and all sorts of other bullshit like why I didn’t work and my “issue” with drinking and drugging so I hung up the phone. For the rest of the day the phone kept vibrating but I didn’t answer thinking I didn’t need anymore crap.
When the woman came home, I politely told her that she left her phone at the post office and then SHE got mad. She asked why I didn’t email her and then went on a tirade about me not working and drinking and drugging all day long, so i just tuned her out. Actually, I think I fell asleep during her tirade because when I started paying attention or awoke, she was gone.
Don’t worry though, she came back a few hours later. Then she bitched at me for awhile about how she had to drive 90 min to the post office to get her phone and then drive 90 min back.
You see what a sucky day yesterday was for me?
I know, I shouldn’t have answered the phone so it’s really all my fault.
COMING NEXT: Am I For Reals?