If the soup don’t stink…

As I was explainin’, the world has been waiting for the first lander on a nearby planet. A first, for the space administration’s new mission of reaching for the stars.

Unfortunately, a sterile apparatus was supposed to be sent to the “next over planet”, but things didn’t go according to plan.

Soon the Lander had a perfect touchdown on the new planet. The world waited as the first screen shots were available on television and print. However, we only got a few of those screen shots. It turns out that the closest planet was still in the primordial stages of planetary development and the landing site was not so stable.

Soon the Lander was sinking into the primordial ooze of the planet. Based on the shots that returned, it seemed obvious that the Lander was sinking. Soon the exciting new pictures stopped coming, but that’s ok, ‘cause there was no shortage of projects at the space administration.

As it turned out, that new flu virus, whose DNA survived thousands of years in a vacuum and then infected the planet, didn’t do too much harm in its natural state; however, this particular bugger had a hankerin’ for mutating, and mutating it did.

Soon, it had mutated into a form that no known person could withstand, and within a few decades all life on Mars ended. That was it, it was all over.

Which seemed a shame, but a few thousand years later the planet was hit by a few meteors from that solar system that was observed long ago. It wasn’t totally destroyed, but the atmosphere got blasted away and it became so hot and dry, nothing really could have lived anyway.

I guess the plan for Martian’s to preserve their species failed.

Or did it?

Well actually it did.

But something unusual happened with that Lander that landed on Earth from Mars, which had snot and virus germs, which had come to Mars from a meteor, formed when another planet was destroyed.

Yup you guessed it, the virus from a common cold got dumped into the Earth’s primordial ooze and was the building block for every living thing on Earth.

So back to your question several months ago which asked, which is correct creationism or evolution.

My answer is neither.

You see, our planet was seeded with DNA and evolution did the rest; however, God created life on those other planets, which are responsible for seeding our planet with the DNA.

But, the DNA deposited was from a common cold, virus germs. God made the life the virus attacked, the Devil made the viruses because everybody knows all bad things come from the Devil.

Thus evolution alone, did not create life on our fair planet, and it was not an act of God.

Not that an act of God did not create other life, it just happens, that we are, more or less, an unfortunate by product of an act of God. Look at it this way, God made a butterfly, the butterfly poops. The poop is not really the act of God, just a by product.

That’s what we are.

In the grand scale of things, humans are the shit.

However, the Devil made the virus that got the heavenly inhabitants of other planets sick, and life on Earth stemmed from that virus. So, if you really want to get technical, we’re more of a by product from an act of Satan than an act of God.

Therefore, neither creationism nor evolution are alone responsible for life on Earth, however, both contributed; although, Satan seemed to have a more direct influence.

Maybe that’s why things and people on our planet are so screwy.

And now you know.

COMING NEXT: Beautiful, beautiful Angel poop.

Bob Senitram

Webmaster and editor of TheWeirdcrap.com. I obtained a bachelor's degree in micro-biology around the turn of the century but was quickly tracked down and forced to return it to its rightful owner and pay a $25 fine. *** A fan of science fiction, I started this website in 1999 as a portal for science fiction stories that have never been published. *** Completely devoid of talent, I decided to call on the public to supply content. Shortly afterwards Stephen and I started writing weekly columns and have continued to this day.


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