Fair To Midland—Fables From A Mayfly: What I Tell You Three Times Is
Check it out:
Two weeks and two postings from me! Ain't that grand? I had cut down a
bit this year since I didn't have a lot to say but decided to write
whatever popped in my head as soon as it popped in my head (or as soon
as possible), no matter that it might not be too interesting or
Like I remembered today (well, the today that I'm typing this) that a
couple weeks ago the government had captured a or the spam king. The
newscaster mentioned that maybe that meant that they would receive less
spam in their mailbox and I said to myself that hey, they've maybe got a
Sorry to say that it looks like the government got the wrong guy! I'm
still receiving a shitload of spam so they might want to go back on the
prowl. Even though the email with the subject line of "Floppy Cock?" was
kind if funny, I'm as tired of deleting spam as I was in '06, '05 and so
And then while I'm farting around on Thursday I get a call from the
woman asking what I'm doing Saturday and I give the answer to stop her
from trying to get me to participate in some foolish bit of business,
that being "I'm cutting the lawn."
Well, that's all ok and fine with her, but she's going to pick up her
new car and would really like me to accompany her to the dealership.
This perked me up and I agreed to go cause new cars are so fun.
Then I asked what kind of car she was getting.
"A 2007 Milan."
"Umm…you're trading in your Milan for another Milan?"
She then goes into a whole spiel about how she got a deal for an early
lease turn in which was really beneficial since she was way, way over on
miles on the '06 Milan.
What she's not comprehending is that you don't turn in a car and then
get the same fucking car. You just don't. It's un-American. It's
Communistic. You're supposed to get into something different. That's the
way it is.
But then she kicks me right in the nuts with this:
"It's got a sunroof and it's black and…"
"HOLD ON! It's what color?"
"I DRIVE A BLACK CAR! YOU CAN'T HAVE A BLACK CAR TOO!"
"Why not? Besides, it's black on black."
What the fuck? "Black on black"? What does that mean? It's BLACK.
"It's gay. I have a black car and now you have a black car and the
neighbors will start saying 'Oh how cute, they both have black cars' and
then you'll want to wear the same color clothes and the madness will
never, EVER end!"
(For those offended by the "It's gay" comment, don't be. Just don't.)
Yeah, well we went to the dealership and I pointed out other cars like
the Zephyr and the MX- something or other, but to no avail. She now owns
a black car like me and my life just totally sucks.
Except that I have heated seats. She doesn't. HA!
I still can't figure out the black on black shit though.
COMING NEXT: Three weeks in a row?