The Journey To HR, Part 1!

When I went to Headquarters so I could speak to our HR Department, is saw a nearby store that sold shelving was hiring so I decided to take the plunge and get a real job for awhile.

Plus, I was looking for some shelving for the homestead and figured I could get an employee discount.

So I went in, found an employee and told them I was looking for a job.

He looked me over, had me spin around a couple times until I was dizzy and then popped the question.

“Have you murdered someone………recently?”

“Recently? No.”

He walked away muttering something I couldn’t hear so I started looking at some of the shelving units on display, drooling at the thought of what my employee discount could get.

While I was admiring an oval unit, the employee ran over to me and screamed, “WHAT’S THE SQUARE ROOT OF 64?”

“Why, that would be eight,” I answered, quite pleased with myself.

“Okay, you’re hired,” he said and then walked away again.

Soon after a man came over claiming to be my supervisor. He introduced himself a Harwood and explained the business to me while never taking his eyes off his phone. After a couple minutes of explaining, he must have gotten bored for he too walked away leaving me all by myself.

A couple customers came in, asked me about a few units that I had no clue about all while I tried to sell them on the oval unit. They obviously weren’t too impressed with my sales pitch since both left without making a purchase.

After they left, I went back to the oval unit and continued dreaming of the possibilities when I had the incredible urge to fart.

I looked around to make sure nobody was around and then puckered up and squeezed out that fart.

Except it wasn’t a fart.

I felt something wet shoot out of my butthole.

Not good.

Luckily, as I normally do, I had three pairs of underwear on. This was mostly done to stop any chafing, but this time it would be a good, protective holder of whatever it was that shot out of my butt.

Harwood came over with his face still buried in his phone and told me it was time for my ten minute break.

“It’s my break time too, so don’t talk to me about work. You got that?”
I told him I did but that I was having a stomach issue and needed to use the bathroom and might be late from break.

“Okay, just bring your phone with you and text me if you’re going to be late.”

I thought about this for a minute.

“So, instead of you knocking on the door to see if I’m going to be late, you want me to bring my phone with me and chance getting it covered in fecal matter just so I can text you? That’s just stupid talk!

I was fired.

No big deal. I continued on to Headquarters, this time with squishy underwear.