No New Posts Next Week…

Please remember that there will be no new posts until 6/21/00. We will be scouting sites around the country for the movie, and will probably be really, really drunk. In the meantime, go right ahead and visit Deborah Foreman’s website. We have provided a link located to the right of these words. However, we have not heard back from her about starring in our movie, but that is understandable since we had 3/4 of the first page done but had to start all over again since I spilled some Crisco on it.

Luckily, we kind of remember some of the stuff we had so it should come back to us pretty easily.

Do you realize how hard it is to hold a fork to a person’s eye while you force them into doing something they really don’t want to do? Well, I do. I had to force Bob to thank all of you that visit this site. He would rather sit on his front porch with a can of Pabst and a Lucky Strike, while rubbing Bosco on his naked beer belly, instead of showing any appreciation. This is what I have to deal with every single day.

Please pity me.

Now, I have to hang out with him for the next week. My life truly sucks.

So, Eminem is in trouble with the law. Shocking. I never saw anything like that coming. If he goes to jail, he is going to be a fine bitch to someone.

Sinead O’ Connor now claims she is a lesbian. How long will she remain an ordained priest/minister?

Rosie O’Donnell is getting some heat by having her children’s (adopted, remember) bodyguard carry a handgun. I could care less about the bodyguard carrying a gun even though she is very anti-gun. I also understand why she wants to do this. What I don’t understand is why she has never given birth to a child. Have I missed something here?

My good buddy Matthew Perry is back in the news. It seems that he has a spermal infection in one of his ears. This is what I have been told by a very good source.

Okay, that was a lie. The “good” source was Chris, and we don’t even know if “spermal” is an actual word, but we thought we would give it a try. It could end up being true, though.

Someone asked me why I don’t pick on David Schwimmer because he is much more annoying than Matthew. The reason is quite simple: David looks like someone who would break down and cry at the drop of a hat. I would not want to mess with his fragile ego. Besides, Matthew drove his car into someone’s house. Therefore, he deserves to be picked on.

You might have noticed the link to on this site. If you haven’t, you really need to go there. It is a very fun site to shop at.

If a deaf person is going to sue “Who Wants to be a Millionaire”, then I am going to start suing everyone because I am left handed and everything is set up for right handed people.

I am going to sue that person who grabbed the last Slim Jim from the rack before I could get to it because, I can prove that I was looking at it before they were, so it was rightfully mine.

I am going to sue the producers of “Friends” because it is supposed to be a comedy, yet I do not laugh.

I am going to sue the state of Utah because they are violating my rights by making it illegal for me to order a quality porno movie and have it shipped to Utah.

As I have stated before, we seem to be getting a little bit sue-happy. Sure, some have merit, but others just seem to be a little bit far fetched and ludicrous. The worst thing about this is the local newscasts pick up on these and give these people their 15 minutes of fame. If these people are so desperate for money, maybe they should get a job.

There should be a ban on putting children in local commercials. These kids cannot act and make the commercials more cheesy. There is a local commercial that runs here for a tire company and the same kid has been in the commercial for the last ten years. It looks like the kid is 5 but it seems that he has been doing commercials for the last 10 years. I think his parents have been giving him some anti-growth pills so the kid looks “cute” and it helps business. Well, because of this kid, I will never shop at that store. So there!!

I have no idea why I wrote that last paragraph. I am just to lazy to delete it.

By the way, I was told to watch the language in this column because it might offend. I am doing pretty good with that today.


“Shaft”–He’s a bad motherfucker. ( Kiss my fucking ass about the language, Bob)

Yep, only one movie review today. Therefore, I will do reviews of new CD’s!!!!

Britney Spears, “Oops!….I Did it Again”—I haven’t heard this one.

N Sync, “No Strings Attached”—Nope. Haven’t heard this one either.

Well, forget music reviews. I am getting bored doing them.

I have to leave now. My wife refuses to bow to my wishes and get me a damn beer.

Take care and we’ll be back in about a week!!!!!!

COMING SOON–Our trip to Omaha!!!!!

More Lunatic Ravings…

Read a new Lunatic Ravings every Saturday!

Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


Enjoyed this? Please spread the word :)