You Can Thank Me!

I would like everyone to thank me. Because of me, the cast of “Friends” are not getting a million dollars per edpisode. They all realized that I was correct and they have no careers outside of that show. They should thank me for correcting their asinine thinking and you, dear reader, should also thank me for allowing you the chance to go to your local theater without the fear of seeing them on the big screen.

You are all welcome.

Now on to the bad stuff. I have heard that someone is actually suing “Who Wants to Be a millionaire” because a question they had was too “ambiguous” and the contestant got the answer wrong.

You have got to be kidding!! I could have researched a bit further and got this person’s name, but why should I bother? I can tell you who this person is/was.

This is the same person who had the shit kicked out of him every day at lunch, and on those special days, right after school.

Why did this happen? Well, it was because this was the dick that always raised their hand in class when they didn’t think there was enough homework for the evening. This is the same person who did not have to get dressed for gym because they had a note from their doctor stating that they had a deviated septum and it would be too hard for them to participate in anything athletic..

This is the same person that works in the computer field and goes outside to the smoking section even though they do not smoke. To them, the cool people are the ones that smoke (and that is true) and they feel cool just by hanging out with them. However, the smokers treat them like shit because this person generally stands in a corner and picks their nose while talking to themself.

Now, they are trying to get back at the world for all the shit kicking they received. True, it is better than them going into a store and shooting people, but it is still wrong. Get over it!! You got it wrong!
So what?? It’s not like you have any friends that are making fun of you.

Now kids, this column should be a learning lesson to you. For one, you can now sue the school when you get a low grade on a test because you thought the questions were to ambiguous!!! Ain’t that neat! And now, you also know that smoking is cool!! You can learn more from me and “Rob”
just by reading our stuff!!

You’re welcome again!!

I am sorry about calling Darva Conger a smelly whore last week. I meant to say skanky whore. Sorry about the confusion.


More Lunatic Ravings…

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Stephen Johnson

The idea of building a website with Bob came from Stephen in the days of message boards and chat rooms. We settled on the name and the rest is history. Retired since he hit the ripe age of 25, he spends most his time doing odd-jobs around the house and digging thru trash bins for "stuff that's still good." Stephen has contributed several short stories and hosted the "Lunatic Ravings" column since the beginning (1999). The idea of writing weekly columns came from Stephen before blogs or blog sites ever existed. So, I guess that makes him THE FIRST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!!!

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