By Bob Senitram
I’m Bob Senitram and I like to tell stories…
That night in the basement of Hopalong Hank…
Hopalong is lowering a basket tied to a rope into a deep hole in his basement…
“It takes the food out of the basket…”
“I’m not hungry!” Jennifer pushes the basket awyay. “Look mister, if you let me go, I won’t press charges, I promise. My mom is a very important person. She can make all this go away. Just let me go, please!” Jennifer yells back.
Louder now, “It takes the food out of the basket or it gets the hose!”
“Ok, ok…” Jennifer slowly takes the food out of the basket. “Please mister, please! I just wanna go home!”
“It eats the food!” Hopalong yells.
“Please! I wanna see my mommy! Please!” Jennifer screams.
“EAT THE FUCKING FOOD!!!” Hopalong yells in a sudden burst of anger.
“Ok, ok…” Jennifer starts eating while crying softly.
Then Hopalong’s eyes grow sinister as he reaches in his pocket and pulls out….
He pulls out…
A ballpoint pen.
He clicks it with a sinister smile while he looks down the hole.
Jennifer covers her ears. “Stop it!”
“It listens to the sound of the clicking pen…” He then clicks it repeatedly.
“Click-click, click-click. click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click…”
“Stop it! Stop it!” Jennifer pleads.
“It listens to the sound of the clicking pen and is cured…”
“Click-click, click-click-click-click.”
Jennifer screams.
Hopalong smiles, looks down and mocking Jennifer sing-songs in a higher pitch voice, “Stop it, stop it, Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.”
He takes joy in her agony while clicking away.
Meanwhile at the Houston prison the warden explains to Cannibal Hector that there was no deal with the FBI. It was all made up. But he offers a transfer to a much nicer prison in Tennessee if Hector tells the warden the name of Hopalong Hank.
Hector agrees.
“His name is ‘Jack’.”
“Jack…?” The warden says leading to the last name.
“That will be revealed in Tennessee, thank you and good day sir.”
“The name Hector!”
“I said, good day sir!” Hector replies.
Reluctantly the warden agrees.
Hector is flown to Tennessee where he meets with Senator Statlin (oh yeah, he’s all tied up).
The guards roll the two wheeler that contains him so he’s face to face with the Senator.
“Tell me Senator, will you miss poor little Jennifer when she’s gone.”
“Cut the bullshit, Hector. What’s the name of Hopalong?”
“Will you miss your only daughter? Will your heart ache when she’s gone?”
“Not really, she’s pretty much a pain in the ass. But a good tax write off. Worth more alive than dead. Now, what’s Hopalong’s name?”
“Very well, his last name is…’Meof’, that’s ‘M-E-O-F’.
The warden is there taking notes, “That’s Jack Meof, got it.”
One of the guards looks at the warden with a ‘are you shittin’ me?’ look.
The warden looks up from his notepad.
“Jack Meof! Get it! Jack me off…” Hector says laughing.
“Get him out of here!” The warden yells.
AND NOW YOU KNOW!!!
Song in my head:
COMING NEXT: Ticktock, ticktock…
Don’t stop here, go to Part 1…
Crap Considered is posted each Friday.
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