This is third week without Melissa writing the chick shit column, and we’re still happy. The loss of a fellow “human being” shouldn’t necessarily cause extreme happiness, but it does to us, and there’s nothing we can or will do about it.
And people keep sending in those guest commentaries! Obviously, they too aren’t that upset about the death of Melissa. It just proves out point that happiness is contagious.
We read quite a few submissions and almost picked something titled “My Shit Don’t Stink and Neither Should Yours!” but we wanted to get away from this self help shit.
Instead, we received a submission regarding breasts. We thought we were done with the subject with Melissa kicking the bucket, but we must have upset someone when we gloated over the fact that breasts were not mentioned in the last column.
Oh well, it’s also good to piss off someone every once in a while.
My name is Rebecca and I am currently a student at a small Midwestern college. I won’t mention the name or location since you’ll probably just make fun of me.
I read how breasts weren’t mentioned in one of your columns. This was very upsetting to me since breasts are VERY important! Without breasts there wouldn’t be life. What do you have against life?
Also, I like my breasts. If I didn’t have them then people would think I was deformed and would laugh at me. I’m sure this would make everyone at your site laugh hysterically, but that’s because you guys are sick.
Don’t be ashamed if you need to talk about breasts in every one of your commentaries. If you don’t, I would just have to assume that you are weak and not worth my time.
Ouch. Pretty tough words there.
It made us think about what she wrote and then we started thinking about how much fun it would be to tie fishing line around our faces and run through the local mall.
Then we started thinking about the universe and if there was really a God or if we’re all just part of some big joke. This really depressed us but someone walked in with a case of Pabst that had been sitting in the corner of their garage for the last 20 years. so we drank the warm Pabst and eventually came to the conclusion that Rebecca was a complete moron.
NEXT WEEK: Maybe we’ll discuss what you wrote?
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