“What’s with the commotion?” I asked as I sat up. “Is it another one of those bring your daughter to work things?”
Then I saw the cause.
The HR lady was holding Bob by his shoulders and feeding him into a running wood chipper as he screamed like a little girl.
His logged feet met the blades and the chipper suddenly began smoking and sparking. There was a nasty grinding sound and then the machine stopped.
The HR lady pulled Bob from the opening of the chipper and turned him so he was facing her.
“You broke my wood chipper you tiny bastard!” she yelled as she held him by the back of his shirt, repeatedly slapping his face.
She soon tired of this and dropped him to the floor.
“BASTARD!” she yelled again and motioned for the wood chipper to be taken from the office.
“Now what?” I asked, gleefully clapping my hands.
“We’ll just have to calm down and take the next step I guess,” she said with a shrug.
“Calm down? How quaint!” I said, still clapping my hands in that gleeful way.
“NEVER TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!” she shouted.
I slowed my clapping, but still continued to do so but not as gleefully.
“We’ll just have to call in a expert,” she said, quite calmly.
“Say,” Bob said while looking down at his legs. “Is it possible for me to get some new feets?”
Lunatic Ravings is posted each Saturday.
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