I haven’t wanted to write about this because the wound is still fresh, but unfortunately my Time Portal got destroyed.
It was that damn Poodle that I rescued from The Future.
Even though I haven’t been writing about it lately I’ve been quite busy with the old Time Portal.
Because what I finally realized is that the whole time there had been another door! I just had it all blocked up with my shit and never even thought about it being there.
But as soon as it dawned on me I cleared out the space, and after that I had a doorway into whatever time period I had just travelled to. Outside of the drum room I mean. Because before that when I thought there was just one door it was either all or nothing, which if I wanted to be able to return now left me stuck in the drum room then. But now that door can still take me back to the present while the other door just goes out of the drum room like normal.
So basically I’ve been doing me some Time Travelling!
But during one of my visits to The Future in the course of events that are much too scandalous and convoluted for me to even begin getting into here I came across a sole survivor of The Great Poodle Wars who somehow missed the Poodle Rapture and had been hiding out trying to not to get eaten or tortured or cloned or whatever people would have done to a Poodle had they been discovered. I say they because this Poodle identified as gender-neutral.
So I shaved it and dabbed black spots onto it with some shoe polish and pretty soon I had myself a prissy looking Dalmatian.
I eventually got the dog back to the drum room ok, but it was no small task because by this time the entire zone had been taken over by the Pride Boys who are a future group of militant right-wing homosexuals. They were using the old abandoned house for temporary quarters but they hadn’t found their way back into the studio section just yet. So Pat and I eventually made it just fine. The Poodle’s name was Pat in case I haven’t mentioned it yet.
Anyhow, to make a long story short Pat wasn’t housebroken and just as soon as we had passed through the Time Portal back into my present present they either hiked their leg or squatted (I’ll not reveal which) and unleashed the contents of their bladder all over the Christmas lights around my Time Portal which released a little puff of smoke and then went out.
And do you know what? That Time Portal never did work again after that.
I guess the Christmas lights did have something to do with it after all.
So now Pat the Poodle lives at the animal shelter, but just as soon as their hair grows back in I am sure they will be adopted by some nice family with lots of bratty little children, none of whom will ever know that the dog they are tormenting was once The Last Poodle on Earth.
Spamrider of the Apocalypse is posted each Sunday.
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