“Me?” I asked in quite the innocent way.
“Yes, YOU!” Bob shouted, trying to get to his logged feet.
He failed and lay back down.
“YOUUUUUUUUU………..” he hissed, and pointed at me again.
“Fine,” I said, getting into the game. “MEEEEEEEEEEEEE…………”
There were a few chuckles as we delighted in messing with Bob’s brain.
“You! You’re the quadruplets!” he exclaimed.
“Sure, that makes perfect sense,” I said and then thought about what he had just stated. “Wait….what?”
Bob bashed his head on the floor a few times.
“Yes, yes, YES! It’s all coming back to me now. It was 1986, I had just seen a movie with you!” he said, pointing at the HR lady.
“Do continue,” she said.
“We needed to get our minds off our shanghaied kids and decided to go to the movies. There were these pod things and some guy gets into one and there’s some zapping and stuff and then he shows up in the other pod but has turned into a monkey.”
“Was there a fly?” I asked.
“No, a monkey you moron! He turned into a monkey! How stupid would a movie be to have someone turn into a fly? It just wouldn’t make sense!”
“And a monkey does?”
“Look, you welp! Show your papa some respect! You’re not too old for me to put you over my knee to give you a good, old-fashioned butt whupping!”
“No need for that,” I said, trying not to laugh.
“When we got back to the winery, I built some pods of my own. Then I scraped some of your DNA from the eight baby shoes we kept, put it into one of the pods, pressed a button or two and you appeared as one in the other pod. Son, your papa’s home!”
He reached out to me as if he wanted to hug.
“None of this makes any sense,” said the HR lady.
“You’re timeline is WAAAAAAY off, “ I said to Bob as I walked over as if I was going to accept that hug.
Instead, I kicked him in the head as hard as I could.
Lunatic Ravings is posted each Saturday.
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