The Journey To HR, Part 105!

I found myself sitting at desk.

Across from me sat Bob.

“Care if I talk? I pee myself a little when I take tests,” said Bob.

“Sure,” I replied. “Just don’t move.”

Bob stopped fidgeting.

“I already had an IQ test when I was tinier than I am now,” he said.

“Reaction time is a factor in this,” I said. “So, pay attention and answer as fast as your little brain allows.”

After a few minutes, he replied.

“Sure?”

“Piggly Wiggly,” I said.

“That’s a store,” he said.

“What?”

“Where you shop for…..food?”

“Cool. Nice store?” I asked.

“Yeah, sure. I guess? Is this part of the test?”

“Nope, just getting you warmed up.”

“Oh. It’s just a store. With…..food?”

“You’re on a street skipping along on the asphalt when all of a sudden you fall down…”

“Which one?” he asked.

“What?”

“What street?”

“It doesn’t make any difference what street it is. It’s completely hypothetical.”

“But why would I be there?”

“Maybe you’re looking for grubs, who knows. You’re skipping merrily along and all of a sudden you fall down and then you see a kid on a Big Wheel.”

“Big Wheel? What’s that?”

“Know what a tricycle is?”

“Of course.”

“Same thing, but with a big wheel on the front.”

“I’ve never seen a Big Wheel, but I think I possibly know what you mean.”

“The kid on the Big Wheel hits you and he goes flying thru the air and lands on an old lady.”

“Do you make up these questions or are they written down for you?”

“The kid and the old lady are laying on their backs, the hot sun baking their exposed bellies as they beat their legs trying to turn over. But they can’t, not without your help, and you’re not helping.”

“What do you mean I’m not helping?”

“You’re just not helping. Why is that, Bob?”

We sat in silence for a few minutes.

“They’re just questions, Bob. To answer your question, they ARE written down for me. It’s just a test, designed to provoke an emotional response.”

I let him think about this for a few more minutes.

“Shall we continue?”

Bob nodded.

“Describe in single words only the good things that come in to your mind about……soft cheese.”

“Soft cheese?”

“Yeah.”

“Let me tell you about soft cheese!” said Bob.

Then he farted.

Then came the whooshing sound.