Humor Stories Archive
Select the year for a list of that year’s science fiction submissions.
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- 04/29 - Hershel’s Great Journey (by Randy Bone)Hershel was a bug. He had always been a bug and, for all he knew, he would always be a bug. Now I’ve got nothing against bugs mind you. Not…
- 01/08 - Alter ego No. 28 (by Nils Erwin)-Humor – 3 Pages – Andy awoke to a foul stench, and a note. The note lay peacefully on the perimeter of his desk; evidently he had slept the night…
- 09/04 - Confessions of a Transylvanian Urologist (by Randy Bone)Name’s Romanovsky. Dr. Boris Sedgewick Finklemeyer Codfishpiece Romanovsky IV, to be exact. And for 35 years I was Count Dracula’s urologist. My father was his urologist for 73 years before…
- 08/21 - Space and Stuff (by Simon Carr)Sci-Fi – 12 Pages – Chapter 1 The Wall Copernicus is a colony on Mung. Mung is a shitty planet. That’s why they called it Mung. They were trying to…
- 07/17 - Total World Domination (by Rob Rosen)I was headed towards Union Square to shop for a birthday gift for my mother. Shopping, unfortunately, has never been my forté. My mother taught me well how to overcome…
- 05/08 - Bacon Becomes Her (by R. Andrew Heidel)“Brenda’s a pig!” “Roger! Aren’t you two engaged?” Tim paused mid-sip. “That’s your fiancé you’re talking about.” “I know, I know.” Roger took a swig of his Red Hook ESB…
- 02/26 - The Not-So Politically Correct Tale of Joe Poe (by Randy Bone)Joe Poe had pretty much been dealt a bum hand in the game of life. He was the bastard son of a Black Jewish harelipped paraplegic circus midget. Amazingly though,…
- 02/15 - Head in the Sand (by CMR)Head in the sand by CMR Once upon a time there was an ostrich. The ostrich had no concerns and was content to while away it’s days with it’s head…
- 12/24 - It’s a wonderful Christmas story! (by Bob Senitram)Follow bob on twitter or ask bob a question! I hope you enjoy this special holiday message for the founder of TheWeirdcap.com and MyStrangeStories.com. For those who don’t follow Bob…
- 10/30 - “The New Job” by Rance Treakle (by Rance Treakle)[A Halloween Special from the 2003 Archives] I thought the devil was red and had a tail. I had braced myself for His appearance, His style, even His odor if…
- 10/02 - A Deal with the Devil (by Rob Rosen)“Wh…what am I doing here?” John asked as he reached the checkpoint. “Let’s see,” the guard said, leafing through a thick notebook. “Ah, John Sedgewick. Here it is. Says here…
- 09/12 - The Odyssey of Joey (by Dan Ericsson)Once upon a time, there lived a very unhappy boy named Joey.”I’m rather unhappy.” He noted one morning, so he decided to go out and buy himself some drugs. He…
- 01/15 - Work It (by CMR)Work It Danny put the exercise video in, took a deep breath, then pushed play on the remote. In moments Johnny Black was on the screen surrounded by his troupe…
- 10/31 - That Darned Mr. Sockforahead (Part 3) (by Joshua Blanc)9 Pages Part 3 of 3: “Aw,” said Mr. Sockforahead. “Why’d you close the door? I was gonna peek in real quick and give him a fright. Might’ve even got…
- 04/05 - The Do It Yourselfer (by Dr. Mark Plaster)Humor – 4 Pages – “When we finally came to rest, I was spread-eagled over an obese, senile naked lady in a lake of diarrhea..” I’m proud of the fact…
- 03/01 - The Judgment (by P.S. Gifford)by P.S. Gifford -Strange – 2 Pages – Frank sat there writhing in the uncomfortable old wooden chair and fidgeted awkwardly. “So am I right in assuming Mr. Frank Halford…
- 02/22 - OF SQUIRRELS AND MEN (by The Peppercorn Kid)by The Peppercorn Kid -Humor – 5 Pages – You know what they say about squirrels and politics. But as much as I try to avoid it, there are those…
- 10/04 - Lock, Stock, and Barrel (by Rob Rosen)-Strange – 6 Pages – “Get out before I toss you out on your fat ass,” my wife shouted at me during one of her frequent tirades. Smart man that…
- 09/04 - The Evils of Drink (by P.S. Gifford)-Humor – 2 Pages – Josh had sat contently near the roaring campfire, examining the dancing flickering flames and the crackling of the firewood and considered the day’s events. Chester…
- 08/24 - Going bananas (by Rob Rosen)“I’m afraid, Mr. Smith, that your monkey has cancer,” the vet informed me. “Cancer?” I echoed. “Poor CoCo.” Poor Coco nothing. Poor me was more like it. The damn baboon…
- 07/25 - Porno For The Lord (by Rob Rosen)Dolores del Dunning and her triple D’s, the sign glowed. Dolores was thrilled to finally see her name in lights. Granted, a few of those lights were flickering and the…
- 04/27 - The Day Tom Jones Changed My Life (by Rob Rosen)-Humor – 6 Pages – Up until that point, I’d never been much of a Tom Jones fan. He was more my mother’s generation, not mine. Oh sure, I knew…
- 04/20 - Eat Pete (by Rob Rosen)-Humor – 5 Pages – Mary Beth awoke with a start. “What the fu…,” she said, groggily. She looked around and realized immediately that it had been a dream. But…
- 03/16 - CEDK (by Steve Wilkins)–Humor – 4 Pages – “Anything?” There was a pause as the technician checked the data board in front of him. “There sir. Coming in from the West….” The technician…
- 02/23 - The Adventures of A Dead Duck (by Steve Wilkins)-Humor – 3 Pages – Ick Bollard had waited a long time for this. Longer than he could actually remember. And that was a long time. Ick didn’t know how…
- 12/04 - Getting Thrown In Jail Doesn’t Suck As Bad As I Thought (by Michael Jones)2 Pages That’s right! As of 7:00 last night I was thrown into prison! How? Imagine that it’s a breezy night. The smell of burning tires emanates through the air.…
- 11/06 - Tales of Constant, Unrelenting Insanity (by arfwoofbagoowhoareu)16 Pages vol. I Larry was in a miserable mood as he left the slaughterhouse at 5:00 PM after working an 8 ½ hour-shift, then being laid off. It was…
- 10/04 - Interview with Robert Peterson (by Nils Erwin)1 Page [Interview commences on Robert Peterson’s back patio] Hello my name is Robert Peterson. I am a father to three children, two boys Pete and Oscar, one girl, Lizzy.…
- 08/07 - A Metaphysical Interpretations of the Memoirs of Peter Jennings (a.k.a.”Lemons”) (by arfwoofbagoowhoareu)"Arfwoofbagwhoareu" was generous enough to submit several stories about 15 years ago. They are long, ridiculous, and hard to put down once you get into it. If you're in the mood for complete insanity, then this one's for you!
- 05/05 - How to not be a cretin, and give into passion. Also entitled: How to Meet Strange People (by Nils Erwin)I wandered into the kitchen, and there, was an old man sitting at a large table sorrounded by a full breakfast. He held a banana, like you would a handgun,…
- 04/11 - Titanium Hip Concerto in C Major (by Brian Fugett)Brian Fugett - Humor -1 Page - Late Christmas Eve. A warped Mozart album warbles on the record player as the party guests begin to leave. I notice grandpa slumped under the mistletoe, shitfaced and disheveled, eyeing everyone with cynical amusement. He knocks back another shot of vodka and eggnog, calmly shucks off his sweat wilted t-shirt, then snatches grandma by the hair...
- 03/20 - Fabrications of Deranged Idiosyncracy (by arfwoofbagoowhoareu)Part 1: A Family Feud Government officials and those who remember the event, well, seem to agree that the boiling point, at least in the Smith house, occurred on a…
- 02/22 - My Robot is Bad (by Nils Erwin)I arrived back at my hotel to find a message had been slipped under my door, but I forget about it because there is also a woman bound up, inverted,…
- 11/03 - Journal of a Foolish Thief (by Jonathan Soule)2 Pages I consider myself a professional. I view myself as one of the greatest thieves of all time, since I was a little kid. I can’t help but reminisce…
- 04/20 - The Evil Lesbians (by Craig Snyder)Part One: Evil Humor – 2 Pages – In the far distant future, a band of Lesbians landed in their invisible spaceship somewhere in New Jersey.Suddenly, strange cosmic rays penetrated…
- 02/20 - The Evil Women (by Craig Snyder)Part One: Evil In the far distant future, a band of women landed in their invisible spaceship somewhere in New Jersey.Suddenly, strange cosmic rays penetrated their bodies, turning some of…
- 10/05 - Thousands of Fleeing Japanese (by Craig Snyder)3 Pages A small dark man in a small dark room picked up his pen and wrote: In ancient times, the monsters walked among us, and it was good… Godzilla…
- 08/04 - THE MICROWAVED CHICKEN HEART (by Craig Snyder)1 Page The Microwaved Chicken Heart bellowed in triumph as his hideous six-inch fangs tore through the President’s colon. The Chief Executive shrieked in agony; his hopes for a pleasant…
- 07/15 - Binkle Bunny in Super Electronic (by Andrew R. A. Owen)It was a lovely day and the Cummy Todge was brimming with people. Some of these people were regulars who were somewhat used to the usual insanity of the place.…
- 06/15 - The weird world of today With extracts from a frozen pizza factory (by Submitted by Guest)-Humor – 2 Pages Chapter 1 – Attack of the weird blue scraggy thing from outer space The blue scraggy thing ate his cereal and looked up. Outside against the…
- 05/15 - At The Gates (by Dan Ericsson)2 Pages A crowd was gathered outside the city. People milled about aimlessly, bumping into each other as often as they were bumped into. A feeling of quiet panic and…
- 05/11 - The Absolute Return Of Binkle Bunny – We Really Mean It This Time Matey! (by Andrew R. A. Owen)by A.R.A. Owen A gentle breeze blew down Slag Street, dust billowing in its wake past the front doorstep of the Cummy Todge pub. Ned was just putting his Treomph…
- 04/04 - Binkle Bunny in Dead People Taste Funny (by Andrew R. A. Owen)Andrew R.A. Owen - Humor - 6 Pages - The sun was setting over the Cummy Todge public house and a gentle wind whistled across the grass plains. Binkle Bunny sat outside on a bench, the fading light glistening off his metal parts and in his one infra-red eye. "What a beautiful, nay what a peaceful night."
- 02/15 - Don’t Give Up Your Day Job (by Submitted by Guest)1 Page He’s lugging this suitcase, the first time I see him. It’s a huge brown monstrosity, this suitcase, and probably weighs more than its contents. He’s covered it with…
- 11/12 - The Boy Who Couldn’t Recycle (by Dan Ericsson)-Humor – 1 Page And now the story of Buildrock Mane. Buildrock Mane was a little boy with a long name. He could run really fast. He ran as fast…
- 05/20 - The Adventure of Cascadilla and Perkchip (by Jon Stephenson)Chapter 1 I’m sorry,” said Shantulopukobeebee, “but I am no longer the man you want to marry.”Cascadilla gently placed the half-eaten chicken nugget on the Louis 20th solid silver gold…
- 05/15 - Six Arms And A Game Of Pinochle (by Dan Ericsson)Doug had never really liked Ernie. He was an okay guy most times, if a little omnipresent. Maybe it was Doug’s fault for always picking him out in a crowd.…
- 05/02 - The Legend of Bobbi-Jo (by Stephen Johnson)Humor – 7 Pages – I was 18 years old when my mother spontaneously combusted. As it happened I was enjoying my morning breakfast of Grape Nuts and Lucky Charms…
- 02/15 - Death of a Sock Puppet (by Joshua Blanc)1 Page Daniel attempted to smile at the group of young children seated before him on confetti-strewn carpet. This was his fifth Birthday party gig this week, and each had…
- 02/05 - Kenny the Koala 2: Electric Boogaloo (by Jon Stephenson)By Jon Stephenson "Oh, Kenny," she said, as the tears streamed down her face. "I just saw the most horrible thing! I saw those human animals in the woods and they had these big yellow things with them!"
- 01/25 - Kenny The Koala (by Jon Stephenson)by Jon Stephenson 1 Page Kenny the koala lived in a great, big forest with many other koala bears. Every day Kenny would wake up and climb his favorite tree.…
- 01/17 - ALIENS PREFER PEPSI (by Submitted by Guest)by Debbie Martinez 1 Page Every evening, JoeBob, John, and Bubba sit on the front porch enjoying popcorn and soda while they watch the sun set. They usually discuss football,…
