Thousands of Fleeing Japanese

Craig Snyder

  • 3 Pages

A small dark man in a small dark room picked up his pen and wrote: In ancient times, the monsters walked among us, and it was good…

Godzilla was in downtown Tokyo for the afternoon. It was something he’d made a habit of lately. He’d Smash a few buildings, crush a couple of buses, pretend to get caught in some power lines, humiliate the Japanese Army, and so on. He saw Mothra hovering by the docks and strolled over, crushing a few cars and fleeing Japanese as he went. “Hey, Mothra! What are you doing in Tokyo, man? It’s been awhile, dude!”

“I’m just in town for the day,” Mothra replied. “I had to beat the crap out of some intergalactic monster, Omega X, I think his name was, then hadda talk with these two, tiny singing chicks in a cage. It was a total freakout! I’ve got time for lunch, though.”

“Cool! Hey, how about that pizza we had last time, with the thin crust?”

“Suits me,” said Mothra as he flapped his mighty wings, sending one Japanese man flying right through another Japanese man.

When they got to the pizza place, everyone there just screamed and screamed, then launched thousands of rocket-propelled grenades at them when they tried to place their order.

“Japanese waiters!” Godzilla said in disgust. “I just don’t know how to talk to these guys anymore!”

“Let’s blow,” said Mothra.

They located an Italian restaurant near the Public Gardens after causing a few million yen in property damage, and ordered spaghetti and chicken parmesan. Their food had just been served by a screaming waiter when Rhodan flew in, wiping out an entire busload of Japanese extras.

“Hey you guys…” Rhodan folded his wings primly and sat down.

Godzilla and Mothra looked at each other. All the monsters knew which way he flew. “Hey Rod, what are you up to?”

“Shopping; there’s a big party on Monster Island Saturday night and I’ve got to have a new outfit.”

Mothra rolled his huge, multifaceted eyes.

“Did you hear what happened to Ghidrah?” Rhodan asked. “His wife left him, said she was tired of him coming home drunk, getting beat up by all the other monsters, and trying to figure out which head to look at when she was talking to him.”

“No way!” Mothra exclaimed. “I really thought they were gonna make it.”

Godzilla stretched, casually destroying a super-secret government lab with a flick of his tail. “They had a good run.” He said. “3000 years. Plus all that time he was frozen in a comet out near Pluto…”

“Maybe they were just incompatible,” Rhodan suggested, “Being different species, you know.”

“What the heck are you talking about?” Godzilla snorted. “We’re all monsters! I think I’m going to look her up, she’s pretty hot.”

“Are you crazy? She’s a giant crab!”

“Giant crabs can be hot.” Godzilla replied.

Just then 60 heavily armored tanks opened fire-massive, armor piercing shells bounced off the monster’s rubbery hides. The monsters roared with laughter.

Tokyo was always such fun.

More Humor Stories…

Craig Snyder

Craig Snyder is an amateur web designer and writer. His short fiction is occasionally published on several fiction websites. Currently he has a website called "The Empty Head" and is the author of the infamous short story "The Evil Lesbians" which he shared with*** One of the early contributors from 2002. His stories are very silly and interesting.

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