Your Domestic Queen is back and ready to whip all you bitches into shape.
But first let’s start with the biggest bitch of all, Bob.
That dimwitted, overweight, drunken, excuse for a man, posted last week’s column again this Wednesday! Last night, I emailed him a scolding letter informing him of his incompetence and DEMANDED that he take that post down and post this one, with this new introduction and backdated it to the appropriate date of 11/13/24! This column probably won’t get online until Thursday because after the good lashing I gave Bob, I’m sure he spent the night crying in a corner, rocking back and forth in his usual pathetic way!
Unlike the others that work for this site, I don’t pussyfoot around. If I see a problem, I fix it. Whatever the final results are makes no difference to me since I am always right and everyone else is wrong. That’s why I am who am.
With all the email I received, I can’t help but notice that a lot of you have some serious problems. I am here to help, but I’m not your mother. Just do what I say, and you’ll be better.
The following is the best email I received. Best in the way that this is a person in serious need of my help.
From “Confused”:
“Hi Yvonne.
Hopefully you can help me. I met a wonderful man who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Even though I’m good looking, I just don’t have the best luck with men. I do have a couple of kids and I haven’t told the new man yet because I’m afraid it might scare him away. What should I do?”
Well, for one thing, I don’t think you should be going by the name of “Confused”. “Loose Girl’ might be a bit more like it.
For another thing, when you tell me that you’re good looking, I will automatically assume that you are not. Don’t try to kid me or yourself. I’m smarter than you and can see right past your desperate lie.
No luck with men? That’s another lie. You had to have had sex with at least two men since you have two children. And the reason I know this is because no man would stick around long enough with a whining bitch like you in order to fill your womb with his baby making juice.
Don’t tell your new man about the kids. Use him for as much as you can get. If her ever wants to come over to your place, send the kids to a friend’s house. If they try to come back home too early, just pretend like you’re not home.
So go ahead and show your new man the whore that you really are. It’s okay to lie about some things, but you need to be honest to him about the type of person you really are.
It’s teatime now so I have to go. I, your Queen, grant you permission to leave.
NEXT WEEK: I help someone else, probably someone like you.
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