There’s a new woman hanging around our Weirdcrap offices and I don’t like her one bit.
I don’t know why I don’t like her, and I don’t really care why since I am such a great judge of people. All I know is that she’s trouble and I’m going to do everything in my power to get rid of her.
Here’s an email I got from Rob in Mobile, AL:
“I have this strange feeling that you don’t like people. Why is that?”
That is so far from the truth, Rob. I do like people, I just don’t like people like you.
Off the top of my head, I see you as someone who likes pork rinds and Old Milwaukee beer. You probably had a breakdown when “The X Factor” was cancelled and the closest you’ve ever been to a woman was stalking chicks on dating apps.
You probably have trouble reading the Clifford books and have to sign your name with an “X” since you have trouble remembering what your name is. You think fishing is a sport and once found a dollar in the street and discovered that was the most money you had made in the last 5 years.
I’m surprised that you actual could email me because you probably have no electricity since you couldn’t mail out enough change to pay for your monthly bill. You probably had your cousin type your email for you since she actually lasted through the third grade which makes her a genius compared to you.
You might also want to stop sleeping with your cousin too. That’s just sick. So, maybe you have been closer to a woman than I previously thought, but it’s still sick.
Goodbye and have a nice day.
NEXT WEEK: Who is that woman?
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