The HR lady and Jerome sat down on the floor an watched me with rapt attention.
Star Chile Two hovered an inch or so above the floor an watched me with rapt attention.
“See, I was working in a car factory during THE war, and the government came down and said that instead of making cars, we needed to make some super secret flying machines.”
Everyone gasped.
“I KNOW!” yelled I.
“Now, to do this work, we all had to be drug free, so they told management that they would be bringing in drug sniffing dogs.”
Everyone gasped. Again.
“I KNOW!” yelled I. Again.
“Everyone in the factory came to me because they knew I was a well-read fellow.”
Everyone gasped, but not as loud as the first two times.
“I KNOW!” I yelled, but not as loudly as the first two times.
“Anyway, I told those druggies that the way to get around the drug sniffing dogs was to lather themselves up with honey and that would confuse those dogs. It’s something I read in an issue of Grit.”
This time there was no response from anyone.
“I KNOW!” I yelled just because I could.
“Well, seems the dogs were too tired to work that drug sniffing day so they rounded up a pack of drug sniffing bears. YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE CARNAGE!”
Everyone wept.
“I KNOW!” I yelled since I was on quite the roll.
“After surveying the carnage, the government decided we didn’t have enough manpower to build the super secret flying machines, so they gave the contract to Basic Fun, Inc. who made those flying machines out of Lincoln Logs, but they didn’t perform as expected and we lost or maybe even tied THAT war.”
Everyone tried to remember THAT war.
“I KNOW!” I yelled for the final time?
“So, I was fired for some reason! I then went to the local True Value Hardware Store, told them that Pat Summerall sent me but they had no clue what I was talking about.”
Everyone wept again.
Lunatic Ravings is posted each Saturday.
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