The Journey To HR, Part 101!

The HR lady opened her mouth as if to speak, but was interrupted by Bob.

“What I said was ‘chickens are clumsy, dimwitted, filthy, stupid, poop-eating bastards…just like Stephen Johnson,’ hidey ho!” he said, before giving me another wink.

Then he leaned towards me.

“That’s a ropey-dope you astronomical mutha-fucka you!” he whispered quite loudly.

I pointed at Bob.

“You see?” I asked the HR lady. “You see what he said?”

“Oh, yes,” she said, re-opening a book.

Bob’s eyes grew wide.

“Hey ho, how did she hear THAT slo-mo?” he asked nobody in particular.

He looked over at me and tried another wink, but both eyes were filling up with thick mucus.

The HR lady busied herself with the book, flipping pages, jotting down jots on a Post-It pad, laughing every now and then and then jotting down more.

Bob squirmed as his eyes continued to fill.

The HR lady gave one more laugh, one more jot and then she threw her pen to the side.

“Well, we got what’s needed!” she declared.

“Silly billy, I killy you all!” Bob screeched.

“What’s the verdict?” I asked in my most professional courtroom voice.

“THE SHORTENING!” the HR lady crowed.

“Baking?” I asked. “We’re going to BAKE something?”

She laughed at this.

“No, you silly, silly man-boy!” she answered. “Shortening. It’s a step down from crucifixion!”

I thought about this for a minute.

“Is this….a good thing?” I finally asked.

“If you like seeing someone in pain, it sure is!” she said, smiling in a sublimely evil way.

I smiled back.

“Well, he did hurt my feelings……” I said.

“Another shortening?” Bob groaned.

“YES!” proclaimed the HR lady.

I got out of the chair.

“YES”! I proclaimed while jumping a few inches off the ground.

I sat back down.

I looked over at Bob.

Both of his eyes were now caked shut with the mucus.

So I gave him a wink.

“I thought this would be over with part one hundred, scooby-doo,” he muttered.

I gave him another wink.