Hi!!!
You’ll be happy to know that my latest surgery was a success!!! I had the first ever neck elongation surgery in the world, and soon I’ll be able to take my show on the road!!
I wanted to give you a step by step detail of the surgery, but the doctor had to put me under since I was screaming so much from the pain. The last thing I can remember from the operating room is my head hanging over a table while an orderly attached a cinder block to each ear with battery cables.
As you can imagine, the cables caused a horrific amount of pain, and soon after I started screaming I was injected with many cc’s of heroin to quiet me down. I must admit that heroin is a wonder drug!! I hope this is something I’ll be able to get over the counter for headaches and back pain and other ailments like that.
When I woke up in my cell, I found that two metal rods had been duct taped to my neck so that I wouldn’t move much and ruin the surgery. When I saw myself in the mirror, I discovered that I was at least a foot taller!!! Modern science is wonderful!!!
I have to keep the metal rods attached until the end of this week and then the true test starts. I also had the blow up tube inserted into my boob, so that’s ready to go too!!
The only thing that worries me is the pus that is leaking out from the tube. It’s sometimes green and other times it’s yellow and it really hurts when I touch the tube. I asked the orderly about this since the doctor had to leave on an out of town trip, and she told me that she thought that was normal. She wasn’t too sure since this is the first time that surgery was done, but I figured that she is a professional since she is an orderly and I’ll work through the pus and pain.
So, you can see that I actually had two surgeries that have never been done before!!! I’m sure some people are jealous, but that’s okay!!! I used to be like them, but have taken steps to make myself a better person, and I would be more than happy to offer anyone tips on how to do so!!!
Well, I’m leaking again so I have to go.
See ya!!
NEXT WEEK: The true test.
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